Wednesday, June 15, 2005

Sad news, and a rant Jeff won't like

Jeff gave me some sad news today. Kyle and Andrea are moving to Florida to be closer to her mom. They found out a few weeks ago that she has cancer and then yesterday or so found out it was worse than they expected. I've talked to both Andrea and Kyle since then and Kyle seems to think Florida will be a permanent home since neither one of them has family here in NC. I really like Andrea's mom too, so it's sad to hear she's not doing well. Andrea said she thinks her mom is doing better than she is. From what Jeff said, the doctors aren't even talking about a cure anymore, they're just talking about managing it, which means it's too far advanced to do anything about. I hope a miracle happens and Aleta still has a long life ahead of her. If nothing else, I hope Andrea gets to spend a lot of time with her and can find some sort of strength if the worse happens. I think Andrea's a lot stronger than she thinks. All my thoughts and hopes go out to them.

Now for my rant. Sigh...I'm not even sure where to start. There's this girl, a friend of Jeff's whose name rhymes with "Fisty" who I've been having issues with. The more I deal with her, the more I wonder if I really like her. It really all started this past winter when she said I had no backbone. She said it in front of me and a room full of people. I was too tired to say anything, but it really burned me up. She was demanding that her husband go get her a hot chocolate, and not only did he not defend me, Jeff went with him. That upset me a bit, but it would have done me no good to say so. I pick my battles, so even telling her to go f*ck herself wouldn't have been worth my energy.

The way she treats her husband also really angers me. She bosses him around and is very controlling. What makes me even angrier is that he puts up with it. He can be busy and she can be doing nothing and she'll tell him to do something that she's very capable of. Or she'll tell him to go get something and makes him walk across the room to get it when she's sitting right next to it. I know they're happy and that the relationship is working fine the way it is, but it still bothers the hell out of me. I also understand that she had a screwed up childhood, but just because she had no control over her childhood is no reason to try to control everything and everyone now. She needs to control herself from controlling everything and everyone...if that makes sense.

When we go to the beach with them, I never feel relaxed because she's always yelling at the kids..granted, sometimes they really deserve it b/c her oldest daughter is just like her. I also feel like it's their vacation and we're just tagging along, even though we're paying for half of it. That's also an issue. We owe $550 for the beach house. They owe us $250 for the Star Wars trip Jeff and I paid for. We're going to D.C. next weekend and they want to subtract half of the cost of the hotel room from the $250 that they owe us. Also, they want us to take the girls for a weekend in July so they can go on a belated anniversary trip. We're doing this as a favor to them, and we're both having to take off work to do well as drive halfway to pick them up. We also have to feed and entertain them the whole weekend, so to my way of thinking, they still owe us the full $250.

They also want us to pay for half the groceries at the beach. There's 5 of them and only 2 of why should we pay half? All 3 kids could probably only count as 2, since they eat less, so that's 4 of them. Shouldn't we pay just 1/3 of the groceries? I never say anything b/c I know it's Jeff's best friend's wife, but I can only take so much. I think what bothered me the most about what she said, was that it's partially true. I do let people walk all over me, b/c I try to make everyone happy, even though I know it's impossible. I don't defend myself b/c I feel like it's futile...they're going to think whatever they want, regardless of what I say or it'd be a waste of energy to correct them.'s also a waste of energy to sit here angry and fume over the fact that she said something without fully knowing who I am. I just need to get over it and move on. I need to learn how to let things go.

What scares me is that I know how vengeful and ruthless I can be..especially when I'm hurt. I just keep it buried as deep as I can because I'm ashamed of how volitile it can be..but I also have a point where if I'm pushed too far, it comes out. It's evil, malicious and ugly. It's like a coiled snake. It strikes so fast you're not even sure what just happened. You just know it came out of nowhere and hurt like hell. It even surprises me how quick it strikes. Does that make me a bad person?

I can say some down right mean and hurtful things. When I found out Jeff was smoking again and that he lied about it, I vented to Brooke and told her all the things I could say to Jeff to let him know how angry I was and how much I really hate him smoking. Brooke just got this wide eyed look and said, "Damn Dana, I'd hate to be married to you or ever get on your bad side." I'd just really hate for M to say something to me that would hurt my feelings enough to make me mad because I'm afraid I'd say something to her and embarrass Jeff. She acts all tough and bitchy, but I have no doubts that I could make her cry. I don't want anyone to know that side of me or ever have to face it, because I'd hate to face it if I were them. I'm more afraid of Jeff being mad at me than her. I'm not proud of that side of me, but I can't pretend it's not there, even though I wish it wasn't. That's why I keep such a tight reign on it. Very few know I have it and I'd like to keep it that way. Ok..rant over. Time to put it away and move on...

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