9/11/01: Ten years later

How have I not written about 9/11?? The only blurb I can find is from a post about Jack:


"Then came 9/11. I was on night shift by then and had slept that whole day. I didn't find out until that afternoon when Jeff called to tell me to turn on the TV. I was in utter shock. I went through the motions of getting ready for work but I was in a complete daze. As I reached down to pick up my socks, the enormity of the situation hit me. As I crouched down, Jack pushed himself into my arms, put his paw on my arm and rested his head against my chest. He gave me comfort when I needed it the most. He always has. I just held him there, hugging him back, amazed at how in tune he was with my feelings."


I remember sitting on the couch in our little Durham apartment watching footage of the planes hitting, of the towers collapsing and was in a complete daze. It felt like days went by as I watched when it was more like an hour.  American Airlines flight 11 crashed into the north tower at  8:46 am. United Airlines flight 175 crashed into the south tower at 9:02am.  American Airlines flight 77 crashed into the Pentagon at 9:37am:184 victims.  United flight 93 crashed in a Shanksville, PA field at 10:03am: 40 victims.  There were 2,749 victims of the World Trade Towers, including the occupants of the planes. I was a newlywed, having just been married for 5 months and having just been to NY the previous January. I went in one of those towers. Granted, it was just to use the restroom..but still..I'd been there. How could it be gone? I knew people who worked in the Pentagon. Were they ok? And all those brave people who took back United 93 by rushing the cockpit and crashed it into PA to save the lives of how many others?? It wasn't just an act of terrorism, but it was a declaration of war against our country. 


After getting some solace from Jack and taking my shower..I left for work. I walked out the door and remember the silence. No cars, no planes..not even birds. Nothing. In the distance, I could barely hear some church bells.  There was hardly anyone on the road. Truth be told..I don't remember much of the days that followed. I remember research efforts trying to find people alive. I remember watching footage of people diving to their deaths from the towers rather than die in a fire. I remember the realization that there were still firefighters and police officers in that building. Lives of brave, courageous men and women...gone. Other firefighters and police trying rapidly to get to their fallen brothers...not knowing if they were alive and trapped or if they were just looking for a body.  


I also remember walking into work and seeing the concern on everyone's faces. I work in a 911 center, so the impact is a bit different when you're imagining what the NY and DC 911 centers were going through. I've worked some crazy, insane stuff..multiple car wrecks that were fully involved on the interstate, b&e in progress with shots fired, chemical storage facility fires..and many of those things were all going on at the same time, but I can't imagine how their centers were handling what was going on.  I remember a coworker who's sister lives in NY and works only 2 buildings down from where the towers once stood. She's still alive, but she suffered lung damage from breathing all that stuff in.


So what's changed in 10 years? A lot. The Department of Homeland Security was developed. The TSA really tightened down on who was allowed to fly, what you were allowed to take on the plane and really made it a complete pain to try to fly anywhere. They now have backscatter x-ray machines to take pictures of your body to make sure you're not hiding metal of any sort on you. Does it cause cancer? Maybe, but it's a LOT faster than having a full body pat down where they leave no crevice unexplored. 


We waged war on the Middle East. A war that still continues. Over oil, over religion, over foreign policy and a difference of life values.  We've killed Saddam Hussein and we've killed Osama Bin Laden as recently as 5 months ago. Someone's already taken Bin Laden's place and made threats to attack the US again on the 10th anniversary of 9/11. This country's economy is crippled due to the cost of this war. The cost of gas and oil has tripled. Before 9/11, gas was about $1.50 a gallon. Yesterday, I paid $3.52, which is actually down a bit. It's been as high as $4.35. There's an overall hatred of Muslims, despite the fact that many of them are just as against terrorists as the Christian next to them. Many in this country are ignorant though and stereotype horribly.  It's not as bad as it used to be though. The images of that horrible day haven't been seen much in the past 10 years. There's still even new footage coming out...different angles of the plane hitting, interviews with the people who survived, the journalists, the president, etc.  Even to this day, the footage is hard to watch. I still feel a sense of anger and dismay...a scream of," How dare they!?! How DARE they do this to us!! Attck the US!?! Who do they think they are?!"

Some of the hardest footage to watch is listening to the chirping of hundreds of firefighter locator beacons as they were trapped in the rubble of what used to be the towers. Everyone was just standing around helpless. Listening to the 911 stories was hard too. Phone lines jammed, endless radio traffic, trying to coordinate rescue efforts..then the 2nd tower came down and there was just silence. There was no more radio traffic because the people on the other end were gone. That lasted for about 2 minutes..then the phones started up again. 


I think many are just waiting on another attack. Every year it's expected..but that's exactly why it'll never come. They know we expect it and heighten security. I'm not arrogant enough to say it'll never happen again, but it won't happen on 9/11. Will we recover? Someday..but no time soon. Will we be attacked again? I think Al Qaeda will try, but they'll meet the same end as Bin Laden. Every time a new threat rises, we'll knock them down but not at a great sacrifice of our own. We all suffer because of what happened that day. The entire country changed that day. Our entire outlook of life changed..our way of living. Even 10 years later, I feel like we're still wounded...still bleeding. In the past, the war was always somewhere else. You can't compare Pearl Harbor to this.   We were already in war and Japan was trying to cripple the Navy. This was different. They were starting a war by killing 3,000 innocent people. 


Yes..even today the images of that day are hard to see. So much so, that even with all the 9/11 Anniversary footage on tv recapping that day and telling the untold stories, Jeff doesn't want to watch it. He left the room, but I think it's important to remember that day. To understand this was the greatest event in our history and know we lived through it. It was the first time such a huge event happened on live air. Even parts of the war were shown on live air..the bombing of Iraq and Afghanistan. This was the first time I realized that we weren't invincible..that we may not always be on top. It was a loss of innocence for the entire country. Our bubble was shattered and looking back, I barely remember what life was like before it. 


Life is described as "Pre and Post 9/11"..but the pre part is pretty hazy even though 23 of my 34 years were Pre 9/11. I just know I'll long for those days. The days of trust. Of innocence. I pray the next generation will know that innocence again, that they can overcome and keep us safe from this ever happening again. I have faith that's true. I have to, because I refuse to live in terror. Isn't that what terrorists want? Terror? Well, they won't get that from me. I believe in God and He gives me strength. I pray for the families of those who were lost that horrible Tuesday 10 years ago. I pray for our country's leaders who shoulder burdens that should never have existed.  I pray for world peace and an end to terrorism. I pray for the citizens of the USA and the children who can't have the happy go lucky childhood I had. I pray for God to protect us and I thank God for the blessings he has given me because the way I see it, In God We Trust. Always. 

10 Years of Happy

As I sit here on the eve of our ten year anniversary, I'm reflecting on the past decade with a warm, fuzzy heart. Marriage isn't easy. It's something you have to work on daily. A friend of mine doesn't believe love is a feeling, but a choice you make. I used to think that was crazy, but as I've matured, I understand it. I now think that when you fall in love, it's a feeling. After several years of living together and really getting to know a person, while you still love them, the strong feeling of love waxes and wanes because you're comfortable and life's little challenges tend to take most of your attention. There's days that I don't "feel" like I love Jeff even though I know I do. Sometimes that feeling disappears for months and it's during that time that I choose to love him and remain faithful because I know the feeling will come back. In a decade, that feeling has always come back and every time, it's stronger than it was before. Love and marriage takes patience.

I've noticed that people are all too easy to call it quits because they think life is supposed to be a cushy, easy existence where marriage is going to feel like the first year of a relationship and where there are no fights. You know, where it's new, exciting and unknown. After 10 years, I can tell you, it's still exciting and unknown. I realize that it completely depends on the type of person you're married to, but for me, it's always exciting because Jeff is experimental and approaches everything with a child like wonder. I find that so endearing and entertaining! I remember what it felt like the first year of our relationship. I couldn't get enough of him and would get butterflies in my stomach at the thought of getting to see him. I still get that way sometimes but the feeling is slightly different. The butterflies are more like a warm hum deep within me that makes my heart skip a beat. The longer we're married and the deeper the relationship becomes, the more the feelings mellow like a proper wine. Instead of the sharp, tangy bite of a new or green wine, the flavors of the marriage blend together and all the flavors complement each other and leave that warm feeling in your belly and an aftertaste that makes you want more. I think I'd rather have that feeling than the excitement of a new relationship.

I also have realized over ten years that the reasons I love Jeff are the same reasons I find him so infuriating. It's a double edged sword that I'm more than willing to carry. I know most people have probably heard 1 Corinthians 13:4-7, but I wonder if anyone has really paid attention to it in relation to their own marriage. This is from the NLT Bible: "Love is patient and kind. Love is not jealous or boastful or proud or rude. It does not demand it's own way. It is not irritable and it keeps no record of being wronged. It does not rejoice about injustice but rejoices whenever the truth wins out. Love never gives up, never loses faith, is always hopeful, and endures through every circumstance." That is so true.

Jeff and I both have done some insensitive stuff and no matter how unintentional it was, it still hurt. However, we forgave each other and don't love each other any less because of it. Those moments, that vulnerability and that pain has only allowed us to know each other better and appreciate each other more and we don't hold them against each other. Despite the few hiccups our marriage has had, I have hope and faith that we'll get through it..and we always do. I trust Jeff and consider him my best friend. How lucky am I to have a best friend that I'm also totally in love with?? Ten years and I still can't keep my hands off of him. I'm still very much attracted to him, but I love him more as a person because I know him better after ten years. We're always easy to laugh, conversation is always easy and we're quick to hug.

Jeff says I tell him I love him too much and that it takes away the specialness, but I refuse to stop saying it. I want to celebrate it and when I feel it, I say it. I never want him to doubt how I feel and I am SO proud to be his wife and to be able to call him mine. I'm just so lucky to be with a man who loves all of me..even my quirks. =) We're like puzzle pieces that fit together and while the jagged edges of each piece sometimes rub together and create friction, we just fit. Some people don't get us because we're such opposites, but we just fit and I love us! The good always outweighs the bad and more often than not, I'm overwhelmed with a a sense of love for Jeff and can't wait for our time together. He knows me better than anyone else and I hope the next ten years are even better. Happy Anniversary, Jeff and thank you for making the past ten years so much fun and for making marriage one of the best decisions I ever made! I love you!

A flea market anniversary

You ever have days where an unexpected surprise just makes your whole day? This was another great weekend as Jeff and I celebrated our 6th wedding anniversary. There wasn't a big to do over it, but we had a lot of fun none the less. We hadn't been to the flea market at the Raleigh Fair Grounds in a long time, so we decided to go. We took our time riding around in Jeff's convertible enjoying the gorgeous weather on our way there. We spent the day looking at all the trinkets and watching people. I got to see the most beautiful colored pitbull in the world. He was a tri-colored blue fawn with the most gorgeous blue eyes! And such a sweetie!! We also got to see the toy show and taste free food samples...ah..yummy.

Anyway, we spent most of the day there and upon leaving and trying to decide what to do for dinner, Jeff drove to RDU because he'd heard about a new observation area they'd built. The observation deck overlooked the runway and had speakers so you could hear what was going on in the tower. There was also a playground area for the kids with a sandbox as well as picnic tables. We stayed for quite awhile watching planes land and take off. Jeff is an aviation fanatic, so I wasn't at all surprised that he wanted to come to RDU. After an hour or so, we thought we'd go see what the other observation area looked like and see if we could get some dinner. There's a cafe in the General Aviation building, but it was closed..so we just watched the planes on that side.

It turns out, this area overlooked the other runway where all the executive and private planes are parked. Jeff noticed a caravan of cars waiting off to the side and we wondered who they were waiting on. We watched a rather expensive plane land and taxi into the parking area. About this time, the caravan pulled up to park next to the plane. We waited a few minutes and I'll be damned if Kid Rock didn't get out of the plane with his entourage! We snapped a few pictures but didn't get a clear one of his girlfriend. I was kind of hoping it was someone else, that way I could sell it to a tabloid for money...but it looks like her from picture comparisons. Dang.
Anyhow..once he noticed us taking pics, he turned his back on us and got in the car. We were trying to figure out why he was in Raleigh, but apparently he's really good friends with the son of the owner of the Hurricanes and comes in all the time. This was according to the front desk guy, which means maybe we need to hang out at RDU more often! That was our unsuspected surprise for the day which preceded dinner at Johnny Carino's. Oh, and I also put some pics up in my "My Photos" folder of Kid Rock.

Today, we detailed Jeff's Miata and made a trip to Cary to go to Target. We detoured for a country drive which led us to the American Tobacco Trail and the Hope Valley Railway. I had no idea any of that was near me, so that was very cool. For $9, you can ride the train on the 1st Sunday of every month. I have no idea where it goes or how long the ride is, but it's still neat. It's been a tiring weekend, but a lot of fun since Jeff and I got to spend some uninterrupted time together and experience new things. I love stuff like that! The next few weekends are full of college graduations and then a trip to Busch Gardens Williamsburg with some friends...including Lou who's coming over from Switzerland to visit! I can't wait!! They're opening up their new coaster..the Griffon! Woo hoo! If I live..I'll tell you about it!