Fertility Chronicles: Part 8

So..today I was cleared by the Dr. to have egg retrieval!! No more daily blood draws, no more follistim, no more lupron..no more daily drives to Durham! Woo hoo! Wednesday is egg retrieval...how ironic that the week of Easter the Dr's are going on an egg hunt. Hope they fill their basket! Today my follicles were around 24 mm..which is fantastic and she said that given the number and sizes of the follicles, they should get about 12 eggs. My hormones are so out of whack! My estrogen levels since the beginning of this have been 79, 218, 172, 113, 121, 418, 725, 1240 and 1830. I haven't heard what today's level was. You can look at the levels and see where my dose of follistim went up to 150. I'm excited! At the beginning of all this I thought mid April seemed so far away...and here it is. Embryo transfer will be Saturday. My progesterone shots start on Thursday I think. Jeff still plans on going to Roanoke for a week to visit since he'll be out of a job come Friday and he said he plans on leaving Saturday night. Um..the same night after transfer?? I'm a bit miffed over that..but at the same time, my hormones have been crazy..so he's probably trying to escape! LOL

I told him I felt like I was doing this alone and he didn't really say anything other than that he was overwhelmed. I understand that..and maybe it's the hormones...but I feel like I have a right to be selfish and have him here pampering me considering what I just put my body through. He does have a lot going on..and I get that..but it's no reason to withdraw. Again..this may be the hormones speaking b/c I've been all over the place the past few days. One minute I love Jeff and can't get enough of him and the next I want to put an ax between his eyes. This is the wildest roller coaster I've ever been on and I feel like he just doesn't seem to get it. I've been calling H and K to vent my frustrations...so that's been a huge help. That's what friends are for, right? I'll update again after retrieval and transfer! =)

Fertility Chronicles: Part 6

This coming Monday will mark 2 weeks since I started my daily Lupron shots. The only side affect I've experienced is headaches. I'm just happy to be off of the Doxy!! It made me jittery, anxious and a bit nauseous! Today, I had my baseline ultrasound and blood work. According to the Dr., I have gorgeous ovaries and a perfect uterus. Aw shucks, that's what all the boys say! My estridol level was good, so I was cleared to start the Follistim on Saturday evening. So, in the morning, my Lupron will drop from 10u to 5u and in the evenings I'll give myself 100u of Follistim. Next Wednesday, April 1st, I'll have my first monitoring visit and then go in every other day until they decide that my follicles where they need to be and I get my instructions to take Ovidrel. Three days after that is egg retrieval. I'm getting really excited! It still doesn't seem real somehow. I was on the table today waiting for the Dr. to come in and just thought.."Holy crap..I'm really doing this. Woah."

Jeff sounded so excited when I told him I was cleared for take off that it made me smile and I wished that I'd been there to give him a hug. He was gone before I got home this morning, so I have to wait until tomorrow morning to see him. We've been discussing names and I keep getting frustrated. I can think of girls names all day long..but never any boys names. I just feel like we'll have a girl. Jeff's mom says it'll be a boy b/c boys run in their family. Ok..well girls run in ours. Even though the sex is determined by the man, b/c we're doing ICSI, it's a total toss up and even more random. They just pick 1 sperm from the group and inject it into the egg. There's no telling what the sex is more likely to be. I really want a girl..Jeff wants both..LOL. I'm still fine w/ twins even though I know it'll be really hard, at least I'd know we don't have to go through this all again...we'd be done!

I also found out that our insurance and the bank have already paid our Dr's office, so Jeff is now clear to take another job if he finds it. His last day is April 17th anyway and until we found out it was paid, he was going to be force to say until the last day to make sure our insurance lasts..but since it's paid, he's free to move on. He's had several people interested, so we'll see what happens. A lot of people have really questioned our decision to do this now considering the current state of the economy and the fact that Jeff may not have a job that pays as much. It might not make sense to you, but it was just the right time for us. God's timing is perfect and I can't question that. He's opened many doors to make this possible, even if it seems like it's a bad time. He's holding my hand through all of this and showing me the way and I feel content about it.

I feel like in a world where children have an overinflated sense of entitlement and self importance, and who aren't held accountable for their actions, I need to have a child who understands that if they do wrong, there's consequences and if they do right, rewards. They need to know that the things that are given to them are earned by hard work and dedication. No one else seems to grasp that concept so I think there should be at least one person who can act responsibly and lead others to do the same. I hope I can be the kind of parent who raises a child to be a great leader, be responsible, trustworthy, honorable and fair. Most parents probably wish that of their children but it doesn't work out that way very often.

Based on experience, somehow the world has started rewarding the lazy and punishing the hard workers. The ones who speak up, stand up for themselves, work hard, and try to change things for the better get labeled as trouble makers, tattle-tales, whistle blowers and usurpers. The ones who don't care enough to say anything and keep their mouth shut and do just enough work to get by, they somehow get privileges and pats on the back for doing NOTHING. This society is based on getting stuff for nothing and has a weak work ethic...and it has to change.

Take NC's governor for example. She depleted the education fund to pay for parole reform, based on what 2 people did while on parole. So..now the kids are in schools with leaky roofs, not enough classrooms, and not enough teachers while the money is basically going to the criminals who do nothing to contribute to the good of society. It makes no sense to take the money from children who have a chance to change the world and give it to people who have little chance of being a productive member of society. So again..the lazy get rewarded. Without education or discipline, these students have a higher chance of being on parole one day..and it just perpetuates the cycle. And then, they wonder why NC has some of the lowest test scores in the country! So..to make up for the money taken from the education fund, new taxes have been put in place. Why?? So she can rape the fund again?? It angers me to no end and THAT is why I want to have a child.

I have high hopes that between Jeff and I, we can raise a child that can make great changes in this world. I think that's why I am SO excited and empowered over the thought of being a mother. Even if my child doesn't change the world, I know they'll at least make it a better place and that just inspires me. Please keep us in your prayers and I'll update next week after my monitoring visit!

Fertility Chronicles: Part 5

Sorry I didn't update this last week, but I was busy! Jeff and I had our IVF medication instruction class last Thursday. There were 4 other couples in the class and it lasted about 2 hours, but was filled with a LOT of information. She gave us the details of which meds to take and when and for how long and showed us how to draw the meds. She left very few questions unanswered. I'm really glad Jeff went with me b/c it was a lot of information to get in such a short amount of time. The progesterone needle was the only part that made me go.."hoollly crap". Two inches long..all the way in my hip..every day for 10 weeks after the embryo transfer. If the embryo's don't attach and I'm not pregnant, then I don't have to take it..otherwise, it's through most of the 1st trimester. OUCH.

So..where do we stand now? I got a letter from Duke telling me the amount I owed after insurance paid, which is $3518. I faxed that to ARC Sunday night and they called me back confirming that they got it and were just waiting on the clinic to fax the prescriptions. Duke faxed those to ARC today and she called telling me the price on those was $2328.48, for a total loan amount of $5846.48. She said she'd get the loan paperwork up and ready to go and fax them to me tonight...which I never received..but then I just sign them, fax them back, they order the drugs and have them overnighted to me..and away we go! I still have to go in for my baseline ultrasound before I can start the drugs, but hopefully I can start them the first of next week.

Jeff got me all freaked out the other night because he told me his contract expires on April 15th and I thought we had until April 30th. If I had started the drugs tomorrow, we'd be looking at an embryo transfer date of around April 13th. That's cutting it verrrrry close. The only way this is going to work now..is if Jeff gets the COBRA insurance through the end of the month. That's also really expensive, but still cheaper than paying full price for IVF. If his insurance hadn't covered any of it, we would've paid about $13,000 for everything. We're hoping that his insurance doesn't end the day of his contract, but at the end of the month during which his contract ends. We'll see. I can't stress over it b/c there's nothing I can do, you know?

The fact that this might not work hasn't even set in really. I'm just confident that it will work...I have to think that way. I'm trying not to get my hopes up, but at the same time, I'm thinking of names, who to pick for an OB, how I'll do the nursery and wondering how fat I'll get. My biggest concern is that Jeff can't get another job until this cycle is over with b/c of the insurance. So..he'll be technically without a job before we even have the embryo transfer and that scares me. I know we'll be ok because we always have been...it just works itself out...but that doesn't mean it'll be easy. Our first year was rough b/c he got laid off..and even if he gets another job, he may not be making as much...and we need to prepare for that. I'm putting away as much as I can to help cushion it a bit, but it's not going to be enough. The job market for IT people in this area has slowed to less than a crawl. It's kind of like a baby who's just lying on the floor, drooling, rocking back and forth but not going anywhere. He's looked for jobs outside of the Triangle and in other states, but the truth is that we don't want to move. Despite the strange weather and unbearable summers, we like it here. We're close to just about everything and there's never a shortage of anything to do..but...you have to do what you have to do. If we can't make it through the next 18 months and wait for the economy to turn around, we'll have no choice but to go elsewhere. That makes me sad.

I'm just so thankful to have a very supportive family who I know will help us out when and how they can. All I can do is pray. So, here's to a successful IVF cycle, a new job for Jeff, and strengthening our bond by extending our family!