A Blue Christmas

Well..not so much. I feel bad that I can't be at home during actual Christmas with Jeff and that I couldn't afford to buy anyone gifts, but my time at home was nevertheless wonderful. And..since Jesus's birthday wasn't on Dec. 25th anyway..I'm ok w/ not opening gifts that day. I can celebrate his birth whenever I please. I had a full 2 weeks vacation from work which I very much needed..but I still feel like I need rest. I had 5 days off at home before I left for Virginia which let me sleep and get some of the house stuff done. Plus, it let me spend some time with Jeff. We rocked out on Guitar Hero 3, watched some movies, and went to his aunt's Christmas dinner up in Galax.

After getting to Roanoke, Mom and I designed and built a gingerbread house!! It turned out so cute!! I'll post pictures once Jeff fixes my computer at home. The power supply got fried..but that's another story for another time. Anyhow, we went to The Roanoker for breakfast as is Christmas Eve tradition and then went downtown on the Market to walk around. We visited a few shops and then came home to work on the gingerbread house some more. Friday, we went to dinner at El Torreo and then drove around looking at Christmas lights. Over off of Starmount Ln...or Rd?? anyway.., there's a house that has it's roof completely covered in lights. We parked in front and saw a sign telling us to turn to a radio station for the complete show. The lights match the music...it was awesome! They were playing some great songs and I wanted to listen to it, but you can't pick up the station anywhere except in front of their house. If you get a chance and you live in Roanoke, you should go see it. Go past the Hollins fire station 5 and take a left onto Starmount..the house is further down on the right.

Right after that, Mom got a call to go to Pulaski to do an x-ray on this elderly woman, so I went with her so she didn't have to make the trip by herself. It's a little over an hour away. For those of you who don't know, she works for a mobile x-ray company that travels around x-raying people who are bedridden or are injured to badly to move. Mostly, they go to nursing homes. Anyhow, I got to see how she does her job and it was really neat. She unloads an x-ray machine on wheels and rolls it into the room. This time, it was just an ankle, but it it had been a rib, she'd have had to move this 275 lb. woman around to get the slide under her. Yikes. After the x-rays are done, she takes them back to van to develop them. Then, she scans them into the computer and sends them digitally to their on call radiologist out in CA. That person then faxes the results back to the nursing home. So, from the time Mom got the call to the time we pulled into the driveway was 3.5 hours...and she does this all the time. Technically, they could call her at 2 am and tell her she needs to go to Wytheville to do an x-ray. Luckily, that hasn't happened yet.

The next day, Mom and I went back downtown to the market to go to a gourmet candy store to get stuff for the house. We got some hot cider while visiting the little stores and market ware tables..stuff like homebaked breads and jams, homemade soaps and wreaths..even mistletoe! Then we had lunch at Ernie's..a little dive with hot dogs and pinto beans & cornbread...and the best home fries I've ever had..outside of Mom's of course. Then..it was home to warm up and start planning our gingerbread decorations!

Kelly came over later that night and we had our Christmas together. I felt bad since I hadn't bought anyone gifts. It was just me opening presents while they all watched. Kelly got me a bag full of Bath & Body Works stuff...she knows just what I like..lol! Mom and Dad got me some clothes and had made me a Christmas decoration. Mom buys those glass blocks that you'd use for a window and drills a hole in the side of it. Then she stuffs a string of lights inside it and wraps the outside with a ribbon to look like a Christmas gift that you plug in. They're so pretty! They also gave me money which Jeff and I desperately needed.

Sunday was pretty lazy..just hanging out with Mom & Dad talking and catching up on stuff. That afternoon around 3, I left for Blacksburg to stay the night with Kelly. She took me to dinner at Cabo Fish Taco..which I recommend to everybody!! Quite yummy!! I'm a little upset I left my leftovers at her house..but I'm sure she enjoyed it!! We then got some Wassail fixin's and went back to her house to make some and to play Guitar Hero 3. Kelly was so funny. Here she is playing a song by Poison, but swaying and moving around like she's a member of the Partridge family...hahaha!!! She caught on really quick, so it was a lot of fun. I didn't get any sleep that night though. I don't know if it was b/c of the sound of the wind blowing against the house or if it was b/c I was in a different bed.

Monday morning, I got up and headed back to Roanoke to meet Jeff's mom and dad for lunch at noon. They took me to Annie Moore's pub for a yummy meal of fish & chips. After that..it was off to shop. Jane decided that since I didn't give them a Christmas list, they'd just give me a dollar amount and let me get what I wanted. After a 7 hour shopping trip..I ended up with a memory foam pillow, 4 sweaters and some leather cashmere lined gloves...and I still have about $125 left to spend. I have to take the pillow back though...it's too stiff. I was trying to get stuff that I knew I wouldn't buy for myself. A jewelry box, a new air purifier, the pillow, curtains, and a mattress pad for the bed. I couldn't find what I wanted or it was too expensive. I wish I had more to show for that 7 hours, but I think she's going to give me the remainder of the money in cash. Anyhow, after shopping, we had dinner at Golden Corral then I headed home.

Tuesday, Mom and I decorated the gingerbread house. It had a little front porch with columns made of chocolate covered shortbread sticks. The windows were melted butterscotch candies and the shutters were cinnamon life cereal. we made a chimney with shortbread cookies and then covered it in square cinnamon candies so it looked like brick and we did that up the whole side of the house. It turned out awesome!! We didn't get to finish before I had to leave for home though. I didn't want to be going through Greensboro at rush hour, so I wanted to leave Roanoke no later than 2 and I was pushing it. The only thing left to be done to the house was put up the white picket fence make of white chocolate covered pretzels, build the walkway, finish the roof decorations and do the landscaping. I'm hoping Kelly will be able to help her finish it since she hadn't had a part in it thus far. I can't wait to see a finished picture!!

Before I left, I followed Mom over to Grandpa's to say hello to him. He made me eat lunch before I left, so I happily consumed my bologna and cheese sandwich. He seemed to be doing well. He has a hard time getting around, but mentally, he's still quick and high spirited. At 84, he's still a handful! If he'd keep up his physical therapy, he'd still be able to move around and would probably live another 15 years. He refuses to use a wheelchair. I told him if it'd help, I'd get him a leather jacket and paint flames down the side of the chair. Maybe get Grandma a side car. She'd still tell him how to drive. "Now Jack, don't go too fast around this turn..." hehe..it makes me laugh to picture it.

Since coming home, I've moved the turtles to a bigger tank and just hung out around the house. Jeff and I went to Carolina Brewery Wednesday night and then had our Christmas. I bought him the dual pack of Guitar Hero 1 and 2 plus 10 lottery tickets...we didn't win but $4. =( He got me The Goonies and Harry Potter: Order of the Phoenix on DVD..both of which thrilled me! Last night, Jeff cooked and we watched the Goonies.

All in all..it was a great holiday. The only thing I didn't get to do was see Hannah..our schedules weren't compatible..and go see Ronnie, Misty and the kids. I also wish I could've seen Grandma, but it's kind of depressing. I also wish I could've spent more time with Kelly, but what time I did have with her was great. I also wish I didn't have my work drama hanging over my head. I still don't know what the outcome will be..and that worried me a bit while I was off. I thought there'd be a letter or something in my mailbox when I got back to work tonight, but there was nothing there. I guess it's kind of fitting that I came back to work on the darkest day of the year.

There weren't many gifts to open...but it's quality, not quantity that matters. I got to spend time with my family and that was what I needed most. They really lifted my spirits when I desperately needed it..and that's what Christmas is about. I felt more loved and cared about in that 5 days that I was up there than I have in a long time. I'd been feeling alone and helpless. I know Jeff loves me..but since he's going through most of the same stuff with me, it's hard to offer support and encouragement when he's feeling the same way I am. I just feel very lucky to have the friends and family that I have. They've always been there for me and always bring smiles and laughter in the darkest of times. I can never say thank you enough.

So..here I sit on my first 12 hour night of 7..wishing I were back home curled in bed with Jeff...who's not there because now he's in Roanoke with his family for Christmas. A lot of times, I do feel like this place just sucks the happiness right out of me, but I'm doing my best to remember all the good times over the past 2 weeks to get me through the next few nights. Wish me luck....

UNC makes me proud!

Today, UNC made me proud...and it made me smile. On April 17th, UNC students dressed in maroon and orange gathered in the Pit area to hold a candlelight vigil for the victims of the Virginia Tech shooting. They made posters of support and sent them to VT. On April 20th at noon after a moment of silence, the Bell Tower chimed the Virginia Tech alma mater. Then, on April 23rd at noon, students observed another moment of silence in the Pit area. I thought that was simply awesome. For those of you familiar with Chapel Hill, the Bell Tower basically represents this campus. It's used to signal the beginning of a football game and chimes every hour on the hour. I felt proud that this entire campus heard Virginia Tech's alma mater being sung by the heart of UNC. I only wish I'd been here to hear it.

Since I work for UNC campus police, lately I've been getting flooded with questions about how we're going to prevent a Virginia Tech incident from happening here. Well, you can't prevent it. This campus is 795 acres with 400+ buildings acting as a community for 37,000 students, faculty and staff. In addition to that, you also have a hospital with visitors at all hours and 75,000 visitors weekly to the libraries alone....and only 53 sworn officers. There's no way to predict or prevent an attack from happening. You plan for the worst, hope for the best and just deal with it when it happens and hope you've prepared for it. I can tell you some things the police are doing to be better prepared for it if it does happen.

After Columbine, the Dept. of Public Safety integrated active shooter drills as part of their yearly training. They're developing a multi-layered approach since no single system could solve the problem. Some students have started a pilot program where students can receive warnings through text messages on their cell phones. There's also email, but many employees and students aren't by the computer all day. Grounds workers and housekeepers wouldn't get an email in time. The university has started looking into a siren system that could also be used to make public address announcements. Between emails, text messages, phone trees, a siren system, police training and awareness of your surroundings, UNC's campus would be made safER. No system is foolproof, but they're doing what they can to make sure this community is kept safe. If you want to read the whole article, you can check out http://gazette.unc.edu . As of today, it was the front page of the website.

A long week indeed...

This past week, we watched our god-daughters Hailey and Natalie while their parents celebrated their 10th anniversary in Key West. I'm exhausted. I had no idea how long it took 2 girls to get ready for bed. By the time I got them bathed, dried, in the bed and read stories, it was late...like around 11:30..even when I started at 8:30 or 9.The first night Natalie insisted she could take a shower on her own and ended up crying for an hour because she got soap in her eyes. I should stop and mention that she whines constantly. And I do meant constantly...even when she doesn't want something. She whined because a moth was on the ceiling. She whined because her hair wasn't curly like mine. She whined because her cup wasn't blue like mine. She whined because I accused her of whining. It gets old fast.

We cooked dinner 3 nights and ate out for 2 since we went to the zoo and the Renaissance Faire. We had lunch out 3 days since we were already out and about. It was a very expensive week. Between buying them outfits for the faire and having to buy Hailey a new outfit because of an accident at the store and then buying them stuff at the zoo gift shop and the faire and then all the food and snacks..I'm broke. I was going to buy Jeff a nice birthday present, but I don't think I can now.

It was fun though, despite the whining and sisterly bickering. For the most part, they were really good. I did have to take the karaoke game away from them because Hailey was apparently "making" Natalie mess up her songs. They fought over who was going to get my lip gloss when I never said they could have it to begin with. They soaked my bathroom during bath time and went through all my stuff and moved it to other areas of the house. They chased my cats and dogs and were obsessed with feeding my turtles and fish. I read them a ton of Dr. Seuss books and watched them inhale my cooking. They had a blast at the faire and participated in a lot of the acts and dancing there. They even slept on the trip home.

Sunday, we drove them to Charlotte to meet up with Ronnie and Misty and hung out at the mall until it was time to meet for lunch. Then it was off to Bass Pro Shop and the mall for a few hours before heading home. We got home and crashed, but the house was very quiet. Elvis resurfaced after hiding for 5 days and I was glad to see he was still alive. I took Monday off to recoup from my long week and got my laundry done. My house is still messy, but it'll just have to be that way.

Then there was the whole VT "Massacre" that happened. It sickens me. I consider VT part of home. I grew up going to football games and walking around campus. I'd go visit my uncle there when he was in the dorms. I'd visit cousins too. Then I visited my sister when she went there. I still go visit since she only lives 5 minutes from campus. My brother-in-law still goes to school there. I know people who teach there and have a cousin who got her engineering degree from there. It just shocked me that something like that could happen in a place like Tech. It's totally different from any other campus I've been on. Here at UNC, most people are kind of off in their own little world.... self-absorbed rich kids who think they're too important to bother saying hello to strangers. At Tech, it's like one big family. Everyone's friendly and goes out of their way to help others. That's how it felt anyway. You can even tell the difference going to football games.

At UNC games, they boo the visiting team and are generally rude and very fair weathered. If UNC starts losing, the crowd leaves. At VT, even when they're losing, the fans are still cheering them on and stay until the very end....and you'll never hear them booing the other team.

It also upsets me that VT is getting so much criticism on their response time. Since I work for a campus police department, I can tell you..it's no easy task to shut down a university of Tech's size..or UNC's for that matter. There's too many roads and trails into the campus and not enough people to staff every entrance/exit..not in that short amount of time anyway. Trying to notify thousands of people without creating a panic is next to impossible...you'd risk others being injured by trying to get them all off campus at the same time.

How were they supposed to know the 1st shooting was just a prelude? No university will shut down the whole campus just because of a single shooting incident that appeared to be domestic. They'd shut down that area and clear the one building, then send out a warning when they had time..just like VT police did. When we get a robbery or rape or shooting on campus, we secure the area, put a lookout for the person over a 50 mile radius if he/she hasn't been caught, then put out a media alert for them and warn the students not to walk anywhere alone and be aware of their surroundings, blah blah..and life goes on. We don't shut down the entire campus for a single act of violence.

After the 2nd shooting, they responded very quickly and shut everything down as quick as they could...so I think they did a phenomenal job in handling the situation. After any type of tragedy, people are always finding ways to pull it apart and sit far away from the situation and tell others how it should have been handled..when in truth, if they'd been there..they wouldn't have known what to do. They did the same on 9/11, Columbine, Hurricane Katrina..the list goes on and on. I mourn for the loss of so much life and I'm angry that the shooter took the cowards way out. No one these days is willing to take responsibility for their actions..but he'll pay for it while he spends eternity burning in hell while being mercilessly tortured and spat upon.

Every time I hear the words VT Massacre, it feels like a punch in the gut. Life will go on, Tech will recover and become more united than ever. I pray for the families of the victims lost in Cho Seung-Hui's senseless and irrational rampage. I pray for the entire Blacksburg community and for all those who feel a strong connection to Virginia Tech. No words can bring them solace, but they're not alone and that in and of itself is a comfort.

Yes, a long week indeed. Now I'm back at work and able to focus on other stuff instead of reflecting over events of the past week. I'm so tired though. I need a long holiday..to recharge my batteries and reconnect with Jeff. We get so lost in everyday life that sometimes we feel like strangers to each other. So..I'm going for now to research a vacation destination for us. Somewhere warm and far away from reality....