Thursday, April 16, 2009

Fertility Chronicles: Part 9

I had my egg retrieval yesterday! What an experience! They put me under "conscious sedation" which means I wasn't totally out. I remember them talking and I remember the pain rather clearly. It took me awhile to recover enough from the anaesthesia to be able to leave. Every time I tried to sit up I got nauseous. The procedure only lasted about 30 minutes and I was in recovery for about an hour and a half. Before I left, they told me they'd retrieved 8 eggs! Woo hoo!! I spent most of yesterday in bed sleeping off the drugs and trying not to move too much. My right side is more tender than the left and I was still feeling woozy on occasion. Hot flashes, cold sweats, nausea..just general yuckiness. I'm still pretty tender today but came back to work anyway. I really wish I'd stayed home. Anyhow, my Dr. called me this morning and told me that of the 8 eggs, 6 were mature and of those..4 fertilized. I go in Saturday morning to have 2 transferred back to my uterus and they're going to freeze the other 2 for later, just in case.

I also started the estrogen patches and progesterone shots today. My hip hurts soooo bad!! I had no idea! I massaged it and used a hot compress like they told me, but it didn't seem to help much. Jeff's going out of town this weekend so I'm going to have to figure out how to do these shots myself while he's gone. The thought of having to do these shots everyday for 10 weeks seems daunting. Worth it though. I guess I'll get used to it...I hope. I told the Dr. that I was ok with having twins and I've been talking about that for a long time now, so last night, I asked Jeff how he felt about having twins and he said he hadn't given it much thought but that it would probably be a bad idea. The Dr. said if we put one embryo back, we have a 20-25% chance of getting pregnant and less than a 4% chance of twins. If we put back 2 embryos, we'd have a 40-50% chance of pregnancy but a 25% chance of twins. I just think that if Jeff hadn't lost his job, he may be ok w/ twins. I'd rather walk away with 2 than with none. I just have to trust that God will give me whatever He feels is best.

Jeff's last day of work is tomorrow and he's upset about it but I'm hoping he'll find something soon. Kelly also got laid off this week. Seems like a bad time to be having babies, but for me right just seems right. For those reading this, please send up a prayer or two for Jeff and Kelly and their job situations and please say a prayer for Jeff and I and our future babies! God won't give me any more than I can handle and I just have to put all my trust and faith in Him. He's gotten me this far and won't let me down! God is sooo good!

Monday, April 13, 2009

Fertility Chronicles: Part 8 I was cleared by the Dr. to have egg retrieval!! No more daily blood draws, no more follistim, no more more daily drives to Durham! Woo hoo! Wednesday is egg ironic that the week of Easter the Dr's are going on an egg hunt. Hope they fill their basket! Today my follicles were around 24 mm..which is fantastic and she said that given the number and sizes of the follicles, they should get about 12 eggs. My hormones are so out of whack! My estrogen levels since the beginning of this have been 79, 218, 172, 113, 121, 418, 725, 1240 and 1830. I haven't heard what today's level was. You can look at the levels and see where my dose of follistim went up to 150. I'm excited! At the beginning of all this I thought mid April seemed so far away...and here it is. Embryo transfer will be Saturday. My progesterone shots start on Thursday I think. Jeff still plans on going to Roanoke for a week to visit since he'll be out of a job come Friday and he said he plans on leaving Saturday night. Um..the same night after transfer?? I'm a bit miffed over that..but at the same time, my hormones have been he's probably trying to escape! LOL

I told him I felt like I was doing this alone and he didn't really say anything other than that he was overwhelmed. I understand that..and maybe it's the hormones...but I feel like I have a right to be selfish and have him here pampering me considering what I just put my body through. He does have a lot going on..and I get that..but it's no reason to withdraw. Again..this may be the hormones speaking b/c I've been all over the place the past few days. One minute I love Jeff and can't get enough of him and the next I want to put an ax between his eyes. This is the wildest roller coaster I've ever been on and I feel like he just doesn't seem to get it. I've been calling H and K to vent my that's been a huge help. That's what friends are for, right? I'll update again after retrieval and transfer! =)

Tuesday, April 07, 2009

Fertility Chronicles: Part 7.2

Today has sucked. I had another checkup this morning and I have 1 more follicle on the right side than I had before..but they're still the same size...and I lost 2 on the left which only leaves one. My estrogen is still dropping and I got a call a little bit ago from the Dr. telling me that b/c my estrogen hasn't come back up, it's been low for too many days and they want to stop my cycle and start over from scratch at a higher dose. =( I told her that my insurance ends April 30th and she said they could up my dose and push for a whole new crop of follicles, but that my endometrial lining is no longer in sync w/ my ovaries so that my pregnancy rate would be very low. However, they could go ahead and retrieve the eggs and freeze the embryos to do a frozen cycle later. That would lower my chances of pregnancy anyway b/c the embryos may not even survive the thawing process.

But..we can't afford to start another cycle. That means the expense of new meds and paying out cobra to make sure the insurance doesn't end. But..if we stop this one and don't start a new one, we've wasted the money we've already spent and the time we've already put into this. I'm so upset right now, but it makes the most sense to just retrieve the eggs and freeze least we'd get something out of all this. Even continuing this cycle at a higher dosage means I have to pay out more money for meds. I'm just really upset over all this and losing hope fast.

An update within an update: I just got a call back from my Dr. who said that as long as I don't bleed, we can still continue forward w/ a fresh cycle. She upped my dosage to 150 and said that as long as my estrogen goes up by my visit on Thursday, we can proceed as planned. If it drops again or stays the same, we can recruit the eggs for a FET later. Maybe that would be better. It would give Jeff time to find a job and for us to get better insurance than what the state offers. The state's insurance is crap, just for the record. Better than nothing I guess.

I'm just frustrated and discouraged. I was great until I found out Jeff was having doubts about it. His negativity is like a wet blanket. It lands on you and you fight to try to get out from under it but give up because it keeps getting heavier and heavier. He has no faith and I'm tired of trying to be the positive one all the time. Why should I have to carry all the hopes for both of us? That's a heavy burden. Because he's always so negative, I'm always trying to encourage him and build him up so when others are negative towards him, it angers me because I'm trying to give him hope while others are tearing him down. I've been doing this for almost 10 years and it doesn't seem to have had any affect on him. I think we just have different encouragement needs. I encourage him the way I need to be encouraged..and that may not be what he needs. As one of my friends told me earlier today, things are happening the way they are supposed to and if it doesn't work, it just means that the baby I'm meant to have isn't ready yet. Like I said'll see.

Fertility Chronicles: Part 7

Quickie update...I'll elaborate later. My 1st 2 monitoring visits last week went great. Sunday's, not so much. My estrogen level had DROPPED and my follicles weren't any bigger so she upped my dosage. It basically means I hit a plateau and need a push. This means that w/ more medication and having to go so slowly to prevent overstimulation, I'll have to order more meds...and we can't afford that. Jeff's radiator blew up, he had to get new glasses, my car needed new brakes and we still owe federal taxes. I'm just discouraged. It's just happening a lot slower than I'd like. A woman I had IVF class with was in on Sunday too and she just got done w/ embryo transfer. At the class, she didn't even have her financials decided on yet. She must have just responded really well and started a few days before me. My ovaries are measuring around 11 and they have to get to 18 before they'll do egg retrieval. Sigh...I just hope that after all this that it's not for nothing, you know? I've also developed an apparent allergy to latex. I still have bandaid marks from last week. I nicked a blood vessel and have a huge bruise that's still healing. Eh..we'll see.