Damn liars!!!

Anyone else notice the gas prices lately??! If you haven't, I'm shocked. I paid $2.68 for regular unleaded today!!! WTF?! I seem to remember last year when we were told that the gas prices were temporary because of the hurricanes. Um..what's their excuse now??? They just wanted to be buttholes? They needed to go shopping b/c their diamond shoes were too tight??? I know gas prices always go up in Spring b/c travel season is coming up, but damn..it jumped about .25 a gallon here. There was a news clip last night talking about E 85 and how ethanol is here to stay, blah blah blah...but what they didn't mention was that for them to produce enough of it for everyone's cars to run off it, 95% of the US's landmass would have to be planted in corn. Not gonna happen.

Biodiesel's a great idea and all, but if your car runs off it, it can't run off anything else..at least from what I've read about it. So, you can't go on long trips unless you're planning on hauling your fuel around with you. Well, that..and you smell like McDonald's french fries driving down the road. If there weren't so many damn wrecks..I'd say nuclear fuel would be the way to go...but I shudder to think how many spills we'd have to clean up b/c of the wrecks. And also...the expense of providing every police officer, firefighter and paramedic w/ radioactive suits, training and geiger counters.

There has to be another way to fuel cars..like..make them run off CO2 and produce oxygen....or run off water and produce oxygen...Or like..run off urine. You'd just pee in a container in the house and then go pour it in the car. If you have to pee while on the road..great!! Just fill up at the same time! It's not a sound theory yet..b/c if you drank a lot of water, it'd be diluted. The whole point is that there HAS to be a solution to our fuel problem....a way to make it run off something that we never have to worry about there being a shortage of. Here's a list of things that we never have to worry about there being a shortage of. Grass, carbon dioxide, leaves, wood, vegetables, urine, feces, dead bodies, stupidity, trash, um....that's all I can think of right now since I'm preoccupied with my stomach growling...but you get the point.

Papaw's Wisdom

Wow..has it really been a month since I've updated this? First things first. I went to Roanoke last week to visit with the family and spent 2 days hanging out with Grandma & Grandpa. When I was little, I called them Papaw & Granny but as I got older, I changed it b/c it seemed more formal or grown up, but for sentimental reasons, I'll refer to them as I did as a kid through the rest of this post. I had to pick them up from their apartment and take them back over to their house to let the cleaning ladies in. They moved back in the house Valentine's Day. Anyway, after getting them back to their apartment, Papaw sat down and told me something pretty profound that I'll never forget.

He said, "Memories are good to have...even the bad ones. When you get to be my age and the only place you can go running is through your memories, you'll be glad you have them." He told me that he'll sit in his chair and scroll through his memories trying to decide which one to think about. Then he picks one and thinks about it until he falls asleep. He said it's the closest thing to going back in time that there is. He even sits and remembers bad memories of the war....seeing his friends fall through the air after their plane was shot down and seeing them get hit with shrapnel or seeing them hit the ground.

He has lived such a full life and has seen so many things that I'm truly in awe of his knowledge and experience. I can never get enough war stories from him! His back and knees were hurting him that day, but I never heard him complain about the pain. I think he complained more about Granny than anything. She asks his permission for everything and putters around the house talking about nothing in particular. He also told me that "it's heartbreaking to watch her memory fade. I've cried over it and have laughed over it but in the end, there's not a whole lot of difference between the two, so I just decide to laugh."

Granny can remember who we are when we're right in front of her but as soon as we leave, she can never remember who we are . It is sad to see her slipping because she's always had such a strong and sharp memory. She's only in stage 2 of Alzheimer's and I don't know if I can stand to see her get into the advanced stages. Physically, she's in great condition..no problems. Mentally, she's just not all there. Papaw is the exact opposite. Mentally, he's still stharp but physically, he's weak. I looked at some old pictures of them and Papaw was an incredibly handsome man. He was the tall, dark and handsome type. Black hair, brown eyes, muscular and always had this devilish grin on his face. He was a heartbreaker..I know that much. He's still a huge flirt. It's just sad that as handsome and strongly built as he was, I now stand taller than he does.

My granny was a knockout in her day too. Very petite but well endowed, black hair, blue eyes and a beaming smile. Almost all of my aunts, uncles, cousins, etc. are beautiful. I come from a very good looking family. I have two cousins w/ black hair and green eyes..which is almost unheard of. They might all be attractive, but there aren't many of them I can say I sincerely like. My dad's family may not be as attractive, but I like all of them. They're very down to earth country folk. I still think of all the people I like talking to, my papaw is my favorite. He's forever telling jokes and cutting up. My mom is really close to him and she won't handle it well at all when he "passes on" as he puts it. Papaw really depends on Mom and praises her with almost every breath he takes. I love that old man. I certainly hope he gets to meet his great grandchildren before he passes away. That would mean an awful lot to me to have a picture of him and my little baby. I'm trying my best to make that come true, so I'll update on that later.

As for my piece of advice, always listen to your grandparents. They know so much more than you can imagine. Never take them for granted because one day when you need the advice, they won't be there. I plan on taking my Papaw's advice. I want to spend as much of my life as I can making memories..good or bad. You should too.

Yeah..Happy MLK Day or whatever..

I agree that MLK Jr. is important to remember, but damn...give it a rest already. He's not a God. Every town in every state in this whole country has a road or highway named after him. There's statues of him and people get a paid holiday in his honor. Cool...but aren't there other people who should be remembered? How come Rosa Parks and Harriet Tubman don't get honored? There are plenty of other people who need to be remembered. FDR, Ronald Reagan, George Washington, Abe Lincoln...etc. So MLK Jr. made a speech and changed our culture. So did FDR. You know how we honor Washington and Lincoln?? Mattress sales. OH!! Jubilation!! Thanks Abe for freeing all the slaves so I could get a pillow top queen set for 20% off!!

I just think MLK has been honored plenty and I don't need people trying to make me feel guilty for not celebrating it. I do get holiday pay for today though..so that's something to celebrate. Alright..I've given today all the acknowledgement and attention it's going to get from me...so Happy MLK Day or whatever...

Blogthings quizzes...scary as hell..

Ok..so I took this test on Blogthings and this is what it had to say about my temperment. It's insanely accurate..which is scary.

You Have a Phlegmatic Temperament

Mild mannered and laid back, you take life at a slow pace.You are very consistent - both in emotions and actions.You tend to absorb set backs easily. You are cool and collected. It is difficult to offend you. You can remain composed and unemotional.You are a great friend and lover. You don't demand much of others.While you are quiet, you have a subtle wit that your friends know well.At your worst, you are lazy and unwilling to work at anything.You often get stuck in a rut, without aspirations or dreams.You can get too dependent on others, setting yourself up for abandonment.

This is what it had to say about what my brain pattern is, and it's also true:

Your Brain's Pattern

You have a dreamy mind, full of fancy and fantasy.You have the ability to stay forever entertained with your thoughts.People may say you're hard to read, but that's because you're so internally focused.But when you do share what you're thinking, people are impressed with your imagination.

Also..I always thought of myself as a logical person..until I took this IQ test:

Your IQ Is 120

Your Logical Intelligence is Below Average
Your Verbal Intelligence is Genius
Your Mathematical Intelligence is Exceptional
Your General Knowledge is Exceptional

How I live my life is also pretty true:

How You Life Your Life

You seem to be straight forward, but you keep a lot inside.You tend to avoid confrontation and stay away from sticky situations.You tend to have one best friend you hang with, as opposed to many aquaintences.You have one big dream in your life, and you never lose sight of it.

And here's my world view which is also accurate:

Your World View
You are a moralist with conventional ideas, which some people would call old-fashioned.You probably think that most of the world falls badly below your standards. Your inhibitions and sense of guilt are in the way of your happiness.You think that people tend to use sex for evil, as a weapon.Your parents probably played a big part in the formation of such a guilt complex as yours. Your mind is in chains, and it's time you did something to free it.

Ok..that's enough tests for now..but they're pretty dead on!

Funny how things work out sometimes...

So..I missed my reunion back at Thanksgiving. I'd been anticipating it for months and wondering what people looked like, but decided it wasn't worth the money. I did want to see my ex-boyfriend Kevin, but didn't go. Instead, I paid the $15 fee for 3 months of access to Classmates and emailed him. I'd been thinking of him frequently for about 6 months before the reunion..don't know why. I was curious how he was doing, what he was doing, if he was happy, etc. He was my first everything, so I have a fondness for him that I have for no one else. I was a little nervous reconnecting with him because it'd been so long, but after a few emails and phone calls, it was like old times.

Back then, we had a habit of talking on the phone for hours. Not just a couple..but like..6 hours or more...and if we hadn't gotten so tired, we would've kept on talking. I remember having 11 hour conversations with him about nothing important. Well...nothing's changed. We still talk on the phone forever. Through these long ass conversations, we've realized that we did nothing but make out back then. Our talks consist of remembering all the places we made out or had sex. We only had sex maybe 3 times in our 10 month relationship because my parents had me scared to death of getting pregnant. Hell..I was 15/16 yrs. old! Dad would've killed me.

We got naked any chance we got but aside from that, we had genuinely good times together and got along very well. I broke it off because I was afraid our relationship would get too sexual and I wanted to experience more in the ways of dating. Looking back, I think I just wanted something new. It had nothing to do w/ Kevin..he was very sweet, generous easy going and a lot of fun. To be honest...I just got bored with him being easy going. He did whatever I asked and never stood up for himself. I wanted more of a challenge. I don't regret dating him and I don't regret getting in touch w/ him again either. He's had a rough 1o years though. He started dating this girl our Jr. year of high school and got her pregnant..so they got married. They now have 2 boys and are getting divorced. According to him..the relationship fell apart years ago but he was so determined to keep his family together, he put up with all her shit.

I feel partly responsible for what happened only because maybe if I'd stayed with him longer than I did..it would've bypassed the time that he hooked up w/ her. I know we still would've split up, but later on and she wouldn't have been an issue. But...if I'd stayed longer..it may have been me that got pregnant. Ironic, huh? Was scared to death of getting pregnant and now that I want to, I can't. Life's funny that way..

Jeff's also very cool w/ Kevin and I reconnecting after all these years. That's why Jeff is so awesome...we have such an open and trusting relationship and we both know that the other one is never going anywhere. He knows I love him unconditionally and don't ever want to be with anyone else. I'll always come home to him, no matter how many guy friends I have. I wish everyone could be that confident in their relationships.

So anyway..Kevin and I are planning on getting together for dinner or something when I make it back up to Roanoke. That should be fun...barring his ex finding out and trying to make his life miserable. I'll update later!

New Year's in Florida

Happy New Year, people!! I'm not making any New Year's resolutions for 2006..it's basically just me starting off the year by lying to myself..so I'm foregoing them like I always do. Jeff and I went to Jacksonville, FL to visit Kyle and Andrea and had a lot of fun. It seems like all we did was eat all weekend..but it was all exceptionally yummy food. We also went to St. Augustine and saw the Castillos de san Marcos Fort, took pictures on Vilano Beach and shopped on St. George St. We decided to wait until next time to go see the Fountain of Youth. We stopped on our way down in Savannah to eat at the Lady and Sons restaurant, but the line was over an hour long so we went to a little cafe instead. We rang in the new year by watching the fireworks over downtown Jacksonville from the top of their parking deck. It was really pretty but my camera didn't take very good pictures of it. On the way back from Florida, we stopped in Savannah again to go see the Mighty 8th Army Air Force Museum. That was very very cool.

They had lots of memorabilia and I got to get a picture of Grandpa's name on the memorial wall. It started pouring rain just before we were to go outside so we went out and got soaked just to find it. Jeff went out with me when he didn't have to and I thought that was so sweet. We stood there w/ water up to our ankles taking pictures of his name. His name is on there twice by accident under two different bomb groups, so we had to find the right one. 8th AAF, 447th Bomb group, 709th squadron. It's still so hard to believe they lived through all that. Grandpa told me about watching his friends falling through the air after their plane exploded. At our family reunion back in 03', I thought him and Shifty Powers would have a lot to talk about. Shifty (Uncle Daryl) is my great uncle by marriage. My grandmother's brother's wife's brother. It was very very cool getting to sit and talk to him about his life during WWII. If you don't already know..he was portrayed in the HBO movie Band of Brothers. Shifty was their sniper and was awesome at it. After talking to him for a bit, I realized why he was called Shifty. When you ask him a question..he talks in a circle and never really answers the question..he just shifts around it. He never played a very big part in the movie but he had a LOT of stories. The 8th AAF museum was my favorite part of the trip.

There was one mishap though. Ernie, Kyle and Andrea's cat, shredded some toilet paper after he snuck into the bathroom and I tried to dispose of it by flushing it after I used the bathroom...and it clogged the toilet. At 5am. And there was no plunger. It didn't overflow, but it came close. I fixed it in the morning after I got the plunger from their bathroom...I just can't believe I went through all that trouble to keep Ernie from getting in trouble.

Ernie is polydactyl, so his front feet look like mittens. He's soooo much fun! He runs around and plays a lot..kinda spastic. He's even made Tickle Me Elmo his bitch. He rolls around on the floor with him and kicks and bites him. It kinda looks like they're making out or necking. I got pictures..but not video. I laughed so hard watching Ernie beat up Elmo. Or maybe he was just loving on him....who knows. He alone made the trip worth it. Ok..enough for now..I have to get back to work. I'll write about reuniting w/ Kevin another time...and I'll post pictures of Ernie later.

Happy Holidays? NO..Merry F-ing Christmas people!

I don't get it..what's so offensive about wishing someone Merry Christmas? If someone came up to me and said.."Happy Chanukah!"..I'd just go..."Right back atcha and Merry Christmas!" I might as well wish them Happy Kwanzaa too. The point is..I wouldn't care what they said to me...I'd just be pleased that they were wishing me a happy SOMETHING, you know? Even if they just wished me a happy fall on the ice, or a happy trip down the stairs..or even a happy enema..at least they were thoughtful enough to wish me a happy one. I can't stand cards that read Happy Holidays or Seasons Greetings..I'll go out of my way and shop for a week to find ones that say Merry Christmas..just to prove a point.

I'm not ashamed of what I celebrate and I'm not offended if people don't celebrate what I do. I doubt the majority of people even realize that Dec. 25th isn't even Jesus' actual birthday...It's just when we choose to celebrate it. No one knows when his actual birthday is..they picked 12/25 back in the 1800's. There was reasoning behind that date, but I can't think of what it is at the moment. Maybe Jeff will know..I'll have to ask him..he's awesome at remembering that kind of stuff. And Kwanzaa is a man made holiday that started in the 60's. Maybe we should just follow George Costanza's dad off of Seinfeld and celebrate Festivus. Decorate the Festivus pole and sit around the dinner table insulting family. Then 5 years from now we can sit around remembering holidays past and say.."You remember the year grandma broke her hip after doing a striptease around the Festivus Pole? Ah..those were the days."

Mmmkay..I think I may have had too much sugar. Anyhow..I hope everyone had an awsome Christmas or Chanukah..or Kwanzaa..or Festivus...whatever. Mine rocked! The next thing you know, they'll be saying we can't wish people a Happy New Year b/c it's offensive to those who don't believe each year is new..or something equally as stupid. Ok..going to go before I start spouting off again!

It's a Christmas MIRACLE!!!!!

Do you realize what day it is? Almost 2 months since my last post. I suck. I haven't had any motivation to do anything lately. I'm lucky everyone got Christmas presents at all. We got Kelly a cashmere sweater, a dog cookie making kit, a "Truly Me" perfume sample and a jellybean pooping reindeer. Don't ask. You'd have to see it to truly appreciate it. Nothing says Happy Birthday Jesus like eating a cola jellybean out of the ass of a plastic reindeer. Tis the season, you know. Everyone liked their gifts, but my Dad's was the best! A true, for real, Christmas Miracle.

Last week, I was cleaning out the closet in my old bedroom and planning to bring all that old junk of mine back home. Wait...let me go back a bit....

Dad had rheumatic fever when he was 12 and couldn't get out of bed for 3 months. The only thing he could do to occupy his time was collect baseball cards. His dad, my grandfather, would come home everyday and give him a new pack of cards. He's kept them in an old shoebox since then. They're all careworn but in basically good shape. About a year and a half ago, Mom had decided to have her closet professionally done for storage purposes. She cleaned it out and made a Goodwill pile and then put everything back once the closet was done. Dad had his old shoebox full of baseball cards in there and right after she took all the junk to goodwill, he couldn't find his shoebox. They tore the house apart looking for it and when they turned up empty handed, they assumed she'd accidently taken it to Goodwill w/ all the other stuff. Dad said he was sick to his stomach over the loss of it. That was his childhood in a box..and also included the only pics in existence of my dad as a child. My mom felt absolutely horrible and even I grieved for my dad's loss.

So anyway, I was cleaning out junk and moved a stack of Kelly's college books off the bottom shelf to put on the top shelf where all my stuff had been. I looked behind where the books had been and I'll be damned if Dad's shoebox wasn't sitting right there at the back of that shelf covered and surrounded by other junk. I got sooo excited that I ran and told mom about it and we decided to give it to him for Christmas. I was going to wrap the whole box but Mom said he would recognize it, so we just wrapped one card that she thought he would recognize. Ernie Banks' rookie card. She had wanted him to open it during breakfast at the restaurant, but I told her I wanted him to do it at home so that after he opened it, I could just hand him the whole box..so that's what we did.

When dad opened it and saw the card, he smiled and said it was just like one he used to have in his collection. Before he was finished speaking, I held the box out and was waiting for him to notice it. He turned and saw it and never even finished talking. He took it from me, opened the lid and just stared..he was totally speechless and then just started crying. Not just tear up..but cried..bawled. Me, mom and Kelly had already gotten a little choked up at his silence and when he started crying, so did we. My dad, one of the most controlled men in the world who never really shows serious emotion, was crying. The only other time I saw him cry like that was the morning I was moving to NC to move in with and marry Jeff. So, in my 29 years, I've seen him cry twice and tear up once...that was when I knocked out my front teeth.

I know Dad's tears were happy ones, but it was just such an emotional moment, I'll never forget it and I don't think we can ever top that gift. We even got it on video..although we never expected that reaction. Speaking of Dad, I need to go call him and my mom to wish them Merry Christmas since I didn't get to spend it with them. I'm here at work..surrounded by a deafening silence. Although..in this line of work, silence is good..that means no one is hurt. My next post will be about how wonderful and truly amazing my husband is. His gifts were AWESOME. I'm so lucky to have him...so anyway...Merry Christmas to all...and to all a good night!

Ok, so I'm a slacker

I know, i know..it's been awhile since I've updated..but I've been busy. Lots of work mostly. I've also been having strange dreams that I can't figure out. I didn't bother writing them down b/c I got interupted by the dogs needing to go out to pee and it didn't make sense b/c I didn't get to finish. Most have involved death and people from my past. I think that's b/c my high school reunion is coming up and because Dad saved a news article for me about James and his wife and 2 kids who live in Maryland. I guess I hope he's happy, but I still feel a bit of a loss and I'm not sure why. I'm happy w/ Jeff and love him on a level I never thought possible, so I don't know why James having a family bothers me. No closure I guess..who knows.

Still not pregnant, so I'm not sure what to do now. I don't want to take Clomid anymore and Jeff and I don't have sex often enough...so I have no idea how to fix that. I guess we'll just wing it and hope for the best. I've already picked out baby names and how I'm doing the nursery and I'm afraid to tell anyone my names for fear that they'll steal them and they won't be original anymore.

I decided not to go to my high school reunion b/c of the cost. It's too expensive for 4 hours of socializing w/ people I was never friends w/. I'd rather hang out and watch the VT/UNC game that night anyway. Speaking of the Hokies...they lost their first game this season to Miami. final score was 27-7. Ugh..I was so disgusted. They basically just bent over and took it up the butt. That loss knocks them out of the national championship. If they can recover this loss and come back and beat UVA and UNC, they still have a shot at the ACC championship...so I'm really reallly hoping!!

I was supposed to go to Myrtle Beach this weekend to see Kelly since our birthday's are Friday and Saturday, but she said she planned on working the whole weekend to make up hours for the days she's taking off for Thanksgiving. Oh well. The up side is that I get to stay home and have lots of birthday sex w/ Jeff. Woo hoo!!

Um..what else....?? Oh, Grandma & Grandpa moved into their new apartment this past weekend. Dad said Grandpa seemed to be settling in ok but Grandma isn't handling it so well. She was looking for her suitcase so she could pack and go home....told Grandpa she was leaving. I hope she doesn't get turned around and go in the wrong apt. over there. Their plan right now is to hold on to the house and sell it in the spring if the apt. works out. I have a feeling they won't be happy and will want to move back, but I hope that's not the case.

I guess that's it for now...I'll try to update more often and not be such a slacker!

Past few weeks...

I'm still not pregnant, I've been having car problems, Patches was sick, Jeff's discouraged w/ me and Hannah's old boyfriend died on Sept. 24th. It hasn't been a great month. I did get my car fixed though, but it cost me $227 for an oil change, front brake work, alignment and having a tire patched. Patches was overdue for rabies so I took her in and they found bruises/lesions on her belly and wanted to do a lot of blood work, so I had to take her back the next week to get the rest of her shots..it ended up being fairly expensive. They also wanted to put her on antibiotics and do another $100 blood test, but they bruises were from tick bites and were gone the next day, so I didn't worry about it since she was acting normal.

Hannah called me the afternoon of the 24th to tell me that JA passed away. In a quick summary: JA had been battling a cancerous brain tumor for 4 years and finally couldn't fight it anymore. She was reallllly upset since they used to date/live together. He did her wrong so it ended the relationship. Whatever wrong's he did in life, he more than made up for in suffering over the past 4 years. I'll write a separate post in reference to all this because it's pretty involved.

This past weekend, I went to Roanoke to attend the Kitts family reunion at The Homeplace restaurant. Jeff stayed home to do homework since we're going up again for a football game this weekend. We ended up having 13 people, which means we were missing about 21 family members. My Aunt Angie informed me that taking clomid in your younger years, raises your risk for breast cancer later on by about 30%, so I've decided not to take it anymore. I already have other risk factors and don't need to add on to it. I need to go back to the Dr. and figure out something else to do or take. I'm sick of feeling like the Dr.'s don't give a damn about me and don't really want to help me. They've never even checked to see if my tubes are blocked. I'm tired of being jerked around...I want to be helped dammit!!!

Jeff and I are both really discouraged at this point and I think feel like we should give up, but neither of us really want to do that either. I feel like Jeff's disinterest in sex is b/c I haven't been able to get pregnant, so he feels like he shouldn't even bother. I'm discouraged too, but that doesn't make me want him any less. I'm so afraid he'll leave me if I can't get pregnant. I feel like I'm a failure and can't make him happy. It's not about just having a baby...it's about having HIS baby. I honestly feel like we owe it to the world to have a child because I feel like he/she will do great things. I'm not sure what kinds of great things..but I just feel like they'll be important to the world someday. They could become a great world leader..or just come up with a longer lasting lightbulb, I don't know..but I can't wait to find out! I'm just losing hope and that's dangerous. I don't know what else to do. Maybe I need to have reproductive therapy and talk to someone about how to deal with all these feelings. Form a support group or something.

Anyway, that's all that's really been running through my head recently. Work still sucks..so that's nothing new and I guess there's nothing else to report!