Thursday, October 08, 2009

I forgot to remember.

Yeah...I just realized I haven't updated my blog since June. Sorry. My bad. Update fail. Hmm..what to write. Jeff finally got a job last week back at IBM.'s for CTG, but at that means less money and no benefits, but it's a job. I'm just glad we didn't have to move. Money's been tight but it seems like we've traveled a lot. Fontana in July w/ Jeff's parents and our nephews. Sunset Beach in August b/c Jeff housesat for his parents for 2 weeks. Sunset again in Sept. just because and then to visit Kelly in VA for Noel's 1st birthday. Kelly & I also took a side trip to Kings Dominion for a day and then to visit Grandpa in Richmond.

Grandpa started having chest pains a few weeks ago and they found 3 blockages and scheduled him for open heart surgery but after meeting w/ Dr's in Richmond, they decided it would be too much of a risk. As of right now, he's on medications and was told to take it easy and not exert himself too much. Mentally, he's still sharp as a tack..especially for an 89 yr. old, so he can make his own decisions and is in really high spirits. He was very sociable and happy that we came to visit and it eased my mine a great deal to see him that way. Mom also told me a few months ago he called his brother Frank who he hadn't spoken to in about 30 years. I'm glad he's mended that relationship or at least taken the steps to start mending it.

So what's going on with me you ask? Work..and then more work. It seems like it's all I ever do anymore. I feel like I'm missing some really important parts of life b/c I'm always here. I could easily ask off for those weekends, but I feel guilt for making other people work for me. I shouldn't, but I do. One of my coworkers is out for back surgery and by the time she comes back will have been gone for 8 weeks or so. What if something happens to me? I don't want to end up not having any leave to take b/c I took it all for some weekends off every month. Hopefully I'll one day have a M-F job where I can have all the weekends and holidays off. I guess it never hurts to dream.

My visit to Kelly's was a blast! We planned for Noel's Dr. Seuss party and decorated and had many laughs in the process. The party turned out great and Noel had a ton of fun and demolished her cake. Kings Dominion was fantastic! No lines, perfect weather and at night it was haunted for Halloween. I wish Jeff could have gone but we couldn't afford to board the dogs so many weekends in under a month. We're boarding them this coming weekend for our trip to Roanoke for the Kitts Family Reunion. Homeplace here I come! We're also boarding them at the end of the month for Tucker's Halloween party down at the beach and probably again sometime in November. That reminds me, the weekend right after my birthday Candi's getting married and it's also the weekend of my 10 yr. college reunion. I feel so old...and we haven't even started a family yet.

We got a huge sum of money back from the wreck we were in back in January and I've been trying to hold on to it so we can do an FET cycle w/ the 2 frozen embryos we have left, but with Jeff having been on unemployment the past 6 months, we've had to dip into it to get by. We also had to have the air compressor replaced in our heat pump, so it's going to take us awhile to recover that money to do FET. I'm not sure I even want to. I'm tired of this hanging over my head. I really just want to give up, but I think I'd feel guilty and then regret not trying again. I think we'll do the FET and if that doesn't work, that's it. No kids for us...and I think I'd be ok w/ that but Jeff wouldn't and I don't want to disappoint him. But..based on how he acted when we did IVF, I'm hesitant about doing this again. I think part of me still hasn't forgiven him for the way he acted, the stuff he did or the things he said and I need to make peace with it and move on. Mentally, I'm just not ready to go through FET. I'm not physically ready either. My weight just keeps creeping up..gain a pound, lose 2, gain 3, lose 1, gain 4, lose just rises little by little and I hate it. I'm not mentally ready to take on that task either. I'm not sure what it'll take to finally decide to get in shape. Sigh..anyhow, I have to get back to work. I think the updates are done for now. I know I'm missing quite a bit and if I remember any of it, I'll come back and add it, but until then, ta-ta!