Daddy's Little Girl

Originally posted 8-28-2006

I heard this poem/story on the radio the other morning and I teared up even though I don't have a daughter. Maybe I teared up because I am a daughter and thought back to my own first day of school and how my parents must have felt. Anyhow...to those of you who have daughters or are a daughter...I hope you enjoy...and try not to cry if you're reading this in the presence of others...I dare you.

Trust You'll Treat Her Well

by: Victor Buono, Source Unknown

Dear World:

I bequeath to you today one little girl ... in a crispy dress ... with two blue eyes ... and a happy laugh that ripples all day long ... and a flash of light blonde hair that bounces in the sunlight when she runs. I trust you'll treat her well.

She's slipping out of the backyard of my heart this morning ... and skipping off down the street to her first day of school. And never again will she be completely mine. Prim and proud she'll wave her young and independent hand this morning and say "Good Bye"... and walk with little lady steps to the schoolhouse.

Now she'll learn to stand in line ... and wait by the alphabet for her name to be called. She'll learn to tune her ears to the sounds of school-bells ... and deadlines ... and she'll learn to giggle ... and gossip ... and look at the ceiling in a disinterested way when the little boy across the aisle sticks out his tongue at her. And now she'll learn to be jealous. And now she'll learn how it is to feel hurt inside. And now she'll learn how not to cry.

No longer will she have time to sit on the front porch steps on a summer day and watch an ant scurry across the crack in a sidewalk. Nor will she have time to pop out of bed with the dawn to kiss lilac blossoms in the morning dew. No, now she'll worry about important things. Like grades ... and which dress to wear ... and who's best friend is whose. And the magic of books and learning will replace the magic of her blocks and dolls. And now she'll find new heroes.

For five full years now I've been her sage and Santa Claus and pal and playmate and father and friend. Now she'll learn to share her worship with her teachers ... which is only right. But, no longer will I be the smartest man in the whole world. Today when that school bell rings for the first time ... she'll learn what it means to be a member of a group. With all it's privileges. And it's disadvantages too.

She'll learn in time that proper young ladies do not laugh out loud. Or kiss dogs. Or keep frogs in pickle jars in bedrooms. Or even watch ants scurry across cracks in the summer sidewalk.

Today she'll learn for the first time that all who smile at her are not her friends. And I'll stand on the front porch and watch her start out on the long, lonely journey to become a woman.

So, World. I bequeath to you today one little girl ... in a crispy dress ... with two blue eyes and a happy laugh that ripples all day long ... and a flash of light blonde hair that bounces in the sunlight when she runs. I trust you'll treat her well.

Snakes on a Kung Pao Chicken

Originally posted 8-19-2006

Last night was awesome!!! Jeff and I made reservations at P.F. Changs and had one of the best meals I've had in a long time. We ordered potstickers..which are veggie/meat dumplings for those of you who don't know...but they were fried instead of steamed like we asked...we'd already started eating them before we realized it..so we got those for free. Then they brought us the steamed ones..so we got 2 appetizers for the price of one. Sweet!! The Kung Pao Chicken was incredible and Jeff's Beef Szchwan definitely woke up the taste buds! The dessert was the best part though..banana rolls. MMMMMM!!!! Two bananas sliced in quarters, rolled in a pastry and deep fried, served on a bed of caramel around a scoop of pineapple & coconut ice cream and topped off with fresh berries. OMG..I'd kill my own mother for this stuff!!! A warning..I do NOT recommend taking a sip of a Pear Mojito after a bite of the banana roll...it's way too sour and a real kick in the pants! The Mojito was very very good too..I was impressed. The mint and lime were more prevalent than the pear, but you could taste enough of the pear for it to be enjoyable.

After dinner, we went to see Snakes on A Plane. Ok, I admit I wasn't too thrilled with the idea of going, but I loved every second of it! Samuel L Jackson is just...well, a genius. The movie was filled with his classic lines he's known for...such as...."I'm tired of these MF'N snakes on this MF'N plane!!" as well as people getting bit by snakes in unfortunate places and a dog who meets an untimely death. You have to go into it not expecting much. If you're expecting a straight up action/thriller..well...you won't be disappointed, but you can't take it seriously. It was hilarious watching people fight snakes...not scary..much. There were a few moments that made me jump. The sheer anticipation as you watch a snake slither unnoticed by someone's head and then coil to attack them...ah...so great.

This was just a fun movie to go see. Most movies you see require the audience to shut up so you can pay attention...this isn't one of those movies. The audience cheered and clapped at the high points...like when Sam Jackson uses a stun gun to zap the snakes..or the snobby rich girl's dog getting eaten by the huge snake..or the couple in the bathroom getting bit while having sex...there's oh so many moments like this and I was thoroughly entertained the whole time. I don't want to say too much and give away the best parts! It's very cheesy...but really well done and just so...FUN. It lived up to all the hype that's been made about it so I apologize when I said it was going to suck. It didn't. It rocked!!! Go see it!!! NOW MF'R!

Remember the Constitution??

This is an article Jeff found and posted on his blog..it rocks! Also, the Federal District Court Judge ruled that the NSA Warrentless Wiretapping program Bush proposed..is unconstitutional. SWEET! I'm glad someone has some common sense! Enjoy!

The US Constitution: Anybody Remember It?

by: Trisha Shore

Its a quaint little document, really. One of its major problems, of course, is that it was written by white males and as everyone knows, there must be ethnic and gender diversity in anything worth keeping these days. And so it goes out the window, this little document thats been holding our country together for a couple of hundred years or so.

I say good riddance. Why, really, do we need something that protects us, for instance, from searches and seizures that are unwarranted? So many of us sheep, really, are thankful that our Masters protect us from the big, bad, ugly terrorists. Nobody thinks anymore that our Masters should be protecting us from, well, from our Masters. Some of the used-to-be-sheep have figured out that maybe, just maybe, those delightful, deceitful Masters of ours have actually allowed such atrocities as the whole 9/11 thing to happen.

Nonetheless, it was a quaint document, that Constitution. It said something about how the peoples right to be "secure in their persons, houses, papers, and effects against unreasonable searches and seizures, shall not be violated, and no Warrants shall issue, but upon probable cause, supported by Oath or affirmation, and particularly describing the place to be searched, and the persons or things to be seized." In other words, someone cant just go x-raying my underwear at random, unless my underwear has been doing something it shouldnt. There needed to be, in the days of the Constitution, some probable cause that my underwear was guilty of something. Guilty these days means that you ride the subway or board an airplane.

Yesterdays government-schooled children, who have now become obedient adults, think its entirely reasonable to submit your keys and pocketbook to be searched. The police commissar, excuse me, commissioner of New York City, claimed, evidently with a straight face, that "common sense prevailed" when Manhattan subway riders were subjected at random for searches of their private property. "At a fitting moment," commissar explained, "the court upheld the constitutionality of the bag inspection program, one of our key strategies for deterring a subway attack." Evidently a key strategy for dismantling the Constitution as well. But really, whod notice?

When the recent supposed terrorist attack plot resulted in people who had to give up their bottled water and wine before boarding an airplane, we are now expected to acclimate ourselves to the new travel restrictions. Jamie Bowden, a former terminal manager at London's Heathrow Airport, said the new rules may be here to stay. "I think certainly here in the U.K. and certainly in the States as well, people are now getting used to kind of a new way of travel . . . I think, although the airlines certainly don't want these kinds of restrictions, if they believe through government intelligence that it's much safer to fly like this, that may be a new way that people are going to have to get used to flying."

A new way, indeed! And people have been primed for such searches by allowing attendants at such fabulous places as Disneyland to perform cursory searches of our belongings. Our children are being conditioned to believe that our private property belongs to everyone.

The airlines are supposedly independent entities, but the reality is that they are partially funded and controlled by the government. They have every right to ask passengers to do whatever they wish; passengers have every right to take another form of transportation. The problem with this latest government intrusion on airline travel is that no one seems to be complaining. Maybe our Masters are seeing how far weve drifted into servitude.

As some have suggested, perhaps the next step will be for our Masters in the TSA to ask us to travel nude. Oh well. Whatever! say the sheep, who are afraid to seem baa-aa-aad to government officials. Those officials tell us over and over, and we believe it, that if we have nothing to hide, we have nothing to fear. The propaganda is working. Most people interviewed by mainstream media seem happy that their sodas are being confiscated: A college counselor made the inane statement that the loss of liquids via TSA search is "part of the price you pay for traveling during a time like this." Yes, in post-Constitutional Amerika.
I should have known we were in trouble a few months ago. I read a story in the Raleigh News and Observer regarding sobriety checkpoints for cars. But its unconstitutional! I wrote the author of the story. To his credit, he was also under this evidently arcane belief, the idea that the U.S. Constitution has some degree of influence in our society. But an overwhelming majority of his readers told him that to question the Constitutionality of checkpoints was to endorse drunk driving. Oh, brother! Or rather, Oh big brother!

And so it should not have surprised me when I found out that people who had to throw out their bottled water before boarding a flight deemed it merely an "inconvenience." And they actually believed that somehow, throwing out that water would save their lives.

A little note here: When I spent a summer in Manhattan during college, I had a boyfriend who used to fly from North Carolina to New York to visit me. He used to bring a certain herb that our Masters have deemed illegal. Personally, I always thought it quite odd that our Masters could tell us what we could and could not grow on our own property. Nonetheless, he brought some of this herb when he came to visit me. He has gone on to be a father, and a husband to someone else. And I have gone on to be a mom, and a wife to someone else. Neither of us has time to fret much about that particular herb anymore, but neither have we nor anyone else suffered one iota from his bringing it on the airplane. A few years later, bottled water is now deemed illegal to bring on an airplane. Yes, bottled water. Do I want my progeny to grow up in a country that has limited so much freedom in so little time?

I have little hope for the sheep of this country, few of whom seem to be noticing that our Constitution, the basic document of freedom for our country, is becoming what George Bush said it was a few months ago: merely a piece of paper.
So it goes. But if the supposedly freest country on earth is no longer free, where might those of us who truly love and believe in freedom place ourselves? Please let me know. Im longing to visit my dad and my friends in North Carolina soon. And I dont want to submit my bottled water to a TSA screener.

A Tribute to Dispatchers

One of my co-workers posted this on his blog and I thought it would benefit others to read it and understand what I do for a living..

A TRIBUTE TO DISPATCHERS By Chief Thomas Wagoner, Loveland Co. PD

Someone once asked me if I thought that answering telephones for a living was a profession. I said, "I thought it was a calling."

And so is dispatching. I have found in my law enforcement career that dispatchers are the unsung heroes of public safety. They miss the excitement of riding in a speeding car with lights flashing and sirens wailing. They can only hear of the bright orange flames leaping from a burning building.

They do not get to see the joy on the face of worried parents as they see their child begin breathing on its own, after it has been given CPR.

Dispatchers sit in darkened rooms looking at computer screens and talking to voices from faces they never see. It's like reading a lot of books, but only half of each one.

Dispatchers connect the anxious conversations of terrified victims, angry informants, suicidal citizens and grouchy officers. They are the calming influence of all of them - the quiet, competent voices in the night that provide the pillars for the bridges of sanity and safety. They are expected to gather information from highly agitated people who can't remember where they live, what their name is, or what they just saw. And then, they are to calmly provide all that information to the officers, firefighters, or paramedics without error the first time and every time.

Dispatchers are expected to be able to do five things at once - and do them well. While questioning a frantic caller, they must type the information into a computer, tip off another dispatcher, put another caller on hold, and listen to an officer run a plate for a parking problem. To miss the plate numbers is to raise the officer's ire; to miss the caller's information may be to endanger the same officer's life. But, the officer will never understand that.

Dispatchers have two constant companions, other dispatchers and stress. They depend on one, and try to ignore the other. They are chastened by upset callers, taken for granted by the public, and criticized by the officers.

The rewards they get are inexpensive and infrequent, except for the satisfaction they feel at the end of a shift, having done what they were expected to do.

Dispatchers come in all shapes and sizes, all races, both sexes, and all ages. They are blondes, and brunettes, and redheads. They are quiet and outgoing, single, or married, plain, beautiful, or handsome. No two are alike, yet they are all the same. They are people who were selected in a difficult hiring process to do an impossible job. They are as different as snowflakes, but they have one thing in common. They care about people and they enjoy being the lifeline of society - that steady voice in a storm - the one who knows how to handle every emergency and does it with style and grace; and, uncompromised competence.

Dispatchers play many roles; therapist, doctor, lawyer, teacher, weatherman, guidance counselor, psychologist, priest, secretary, supervisor, politician, and reporter. And few people must jump through the emotional hoops on the trip through the joy of one callers birthday party, to the fear of another callers burglary in progress, to the anger of a neighbor blocked in their drive, and back to the birthday callers all in a two minute time frame. The emotional rollercoaster rolls to a stop after an 8 or 10 hour shift, and they are expected to walk down to their car with steady feet and no queasiness in their stomach - because they are dispatchers. If they hold it in, they are too closed. If they talk about it, they are a whiner. If it bothers them, it adds more stress. If it doesn't, they question themselves, wondering why.

Dispatchers are expected to have:
-the compassion of Mother Theresa;
-the wisdom of Solomon;
-the interviewing skills of Oprah Winfrey;
-the gentleness of Florence Nightingale;
-the patience of Job;
-the voice of Barbara Streisand;
-the knowledge of Einstein;
-the answers of Ann Landers;
-the humor of David Letterman;
-the investigative skills of Sgt. Joe Friday;
-the looks of Melanie Griffith or Don Johnson;
-the faith of Billy Graham;
-the energy of Charo;
-and the endurance of the Energizer Bunny.

Is it any wonder that many drop out during training? It is a unique and talented person who can do this job and do it well. And, it is fitting and proper that we take a few minutes or hours this week to honor you for the job that each of you do. That recognition is overdue and it is insufficient. But, it is sincere. I have tried to do your job, and I have failed. It takes a special person with unique skills. I admire you and I thank you for the thankless job you do. You are heroes, and I am proud to work with you.

Chief Tom Wagoner, April 12, 1994

No AC & One Less Mouth to feed

If this week were erased from time, I wouldn't miss it. Sunday, our AC went out again...that makes the 4th fan in 4 years we've had to replace. It has something to do with the power flickering and causing surges..but it sucks. Also, whenever it gets really hot outside, or it rains..or gets too cold..our phone line goes out. Sprint can never find the problem...so they suck.

Monday, I felt sick..I couldn't keep anything down and I had a throbbing headache..this lasted through Tuesday night. The house was up to 92 degrees, so I'm sure that didn't help. I ended up curling up in the floor of the office since it's the only room w/ AC. We have a window unit in there due to the heat that the computers put off..think of it like a server room. Tuesday night, my kick ass husband got the AC fixed...so while the house cooled down, we went out to dinner. When we got back..it was cooling off and I was actually able to sleep. Ahh.....AC is the best invention ever.

Today, when I got up to get ready for work, I made sure all my animals had food and water and when I checked on the fish, one was floating belly up. He'd been sick for a LONG time, so I was wondering how long it would take. Last August, they both got sick and I've been treating them ever since...but realized a month or 2 ago that I can't afford to keep treating them. The oscar that lived has a few spots on him, but he's doing alright. Damn hole in the head disease. So..I have one less mouth to feed and being that he was about 8.5 inches long and weighed about 1.5 lbs...that's a substantial amount of food I'm saving! It was still a sad day though..he was a cool fish.

Even though this week sucked, I've had worse..so I guess I can't complain too much. I have a weekend off to look forward to..and date night with Jeff! Woo hoo! We'll go to dinner...probably either at Maggiano's or Ted's Montana Grill and then go see Snakes on a Plane since Jeff's been waiting on it to come out for months. Hmm..Firebirds Rocky Mountain Grill sounds good too though..or P.F. Changs..or Rockfish Grill....there's also a Cheesecake Factory there...hmm...can you tell I'm hungry?!?!

Even though Rockfish Grill is incredibly yummy...out of respect for my dead oscar, Hoover and to honor his memory...I think I should avoid eating fish this week. I also had to move my fish to a tank that wasn't on the kitchen counter b/c I didn't want them to see the slaughter of salmon and flounder while Jeff and I cooked week after week. Think of the horror that those little fishy eyes beheld due to my careless placement of the fishtank. C'est la vie. It is too late for regrets now. Ah well..time to get back to work. Au revoir Hoover...you will be missed..though I won't miss you biting the hand that fed you.

Amusement Park of the Damned-Part 2

Alright..I promised the conclusion of our day at the Amusement Park of the Damned and here it is. We get to the parking lot and Jeff cursed at a passing SUV that almost hit him. Actually, he walked in front of it and got pissed when it didn't slow down. I'm not exactly sure what he said, but I know I defininitely heard him drop the F bomb. We get in the car only to have to wait in another line to get out of the parking lot. Jeff hops on the GPS and begins searching for a place to eat.

We were supposed to meet up with my cousin Megan for dinner since she's moving to NYC in a few weeks, but she never called us back. So, he wanted to go somewhere nice since our day had been hell. We ended up choosing Southend Smokehouse and Brewery. Smokehouse...meaning..ribs..and beer....how could you go wrong???

We got there and let me tell you..it was incredibly awesome!! Jeff couldn't decide on what kind of beer he wanted so they brought him a sampler tray of their beer. Ten 5 oz glasses. And he got a full rack of ribs that I loved watching him eat. Something's just so sultry about watching him lick the sauce off his fingers.........whew..I'm sorry...what? Where was I? Oh yeah..dinner. Anyhow, the meat just fell off the bone. Very excellent..I highly recommend them. There's one in Charlotte, Raleigh and Charleston,SC if you're ever around to go try them.

After some lighthearted dinner conversation, we got back on the road towards home. As we headed up I85N, we saw some fireworks. We watched with awe and realized these were no dinky backyard fireworks, so we got off the next exit and parked on the bridge behind a line of other cars who'd stopped to watch the awesome display of firepower. It lasted about 25-30 minutes and was one of the best fireworks shows I've ever seen. The only one I could think of that topped it was Disney World. We were truly impressed to say the least. It was a rather cheerful end to an otherwise crappy day.

The trip home was filled with giggles brought on by exhaustion and random stories that had me laughing. Then Kelly and April nodded off and I struggled to keep my eyes open. Once home at midnight, we all took showers to wash off the day's disappointment and filth and crashed. Crashed hard. I went to bed with wet hair, so I woke up looking like the bride of Frankenstein. I don't think we even got out of bed until around 11am. We may have eaten..I'm not sure..but I know I napped from about 1pm until around 4. Jeff slept until around 5:30 and we got up and had dinner. Then we were in bed again by 11:30 pm. Yep..we're some wild ones.

Yesterday, Monday, I had to mail Kelly's cellphone back to her and get dog food. Other than that..I did one load of laundry and read a book between naps. Then I came in to work at midnight. Yawwwnnnnnn. I'll need a month to recover. All I can think of right now is my massive bed with all my pillows and my cutie of a husband all curled up looking innocent and sweet...which is the only time he ever comes close to being that way. Well, he can be sweet, but he's a long way from innocent. Yawwnn..Ok..time to go. I can't think straight and this may make no sense at all later.

Amusement Park of the Damned

Originally posted on July 16, 2006 at 1132am:

My sister Kelly and her friend April came down for the weekend to go to Carowinds with us. We were all excited about riding some coasters and relieving some stress. So, on 4 hours of sleep, we got up Saturday morning and hit the road at about 8:30 which put us at Carowinds at about 11am. To start things off, we had to hunt for a locker to put all our stuff in. The only one we could find was in the waterpark section and a huge sign told us it had to be out by 7pm. At the time, we thought.."Oh..that's plenty of time!"

After paying $10 and cramming all our stuff in the locker, we headed for some rides!! Since the Top Gun coaster was closest, we went there..only finding that it was shut down for some unknown reason. Being disappointed, we headed for the next one. We get to the kiddy section where they have a rollercoaster that dumps water on the people below you and thought..well..it's hot and the water would feel pretty good, so we got in line. We waited 30 minutes and got close to the front of the line when they shut it down for no real reason. Nice. We also realized, this water ride wasn't allowed to use water because they'd decided to put the Latino Festival tents just below it. Nice again. At this point, we'd been there an hour and hadn't ridden anything.

Also, because of our location in the park and the frustration of waiting in line for rides that aren't open, we missed our free lunch buffet which is the only reason that we decided to go on this particular day. So, next we passed a ride called the Goldrusher which is just the cheesy family rollercoaster, but we wanted to ride something..so on we went. It wasn't bad for a little coaster and it lightened our moods just a little. While on this ride, I realized I already had blisters on my feet. I wore my old Teva sandals that used to be the most comfortable shoes I owned, but since I hadn't worn them in about 3 years, they rubbed my feet in the wrong places. So, I have blisters and we're just on our first ride. Ugh. After this, we headed to the Vortex which is the standing coaster. We stood in line for an hour in the blistering heat waiting to get on. No shade, no fans, no breeze, no clouds. They did serve slushies and lemonades to us though...for $3.75 a piece. This time we made it and got a whole 60 seconds worth of fun. One second of fun for every minute we stood waiting. In the end, it was worth it.

Since the Borg Assimilator was right next to it, we headed there to find out that it too was closed. She told us it was going to be awhile so we went across the way to the log flume. Now, the Borg is the tallest coaster in the park and has the most loops, corkscrews and drops of any in the park. Not to mention that you're lying flat on the track as if you were flying...so needless to say, this is going to be the longest line in the park. Anyway..we headed to the log flume and before we crossed the entrance, they were letting people through for the Borg...so we headed back. When we get there, she tells us that no loose articles are allowed on the ride and we'd have to put our stuff in a locker before we could get on. Um..I was wearing the traditional nerdy buttpack of all amusement park goers..which is not a loose item..it was attached, but she wouldn't let us through. At this point, I yelled a profanity and walked off. Jeff was in quite a sour mood by now and I couldn't even get a smile out of him.

I'm not sure what happened next..I think we decided to hit the water park for awhile to cool off and figured that by the time we were done, it would be dinner time and the lines would be shorter. So, off we go to Boomerang Bay so I could change into a bathing suit and jump in the water. The biggest reason we wanted the water park is because none of the heat relief stations were working. No misting stations or fans anywhere in the park. Only the drink machines selling a bottle of water for $3.75. I also wanted to go to the water park since our locker was here and it meant I could change my shoes. At least I was prepared.

After a short wait for a dressing room, I get in only to realize how nasty this place is. There's no AC in the bathroom at all, just a dinky fan and the dressing rooms are set up just like restroom stalls only w/o the toilets. Well, someone apparently was blind and thought the bench in the dressing room was a toilet b/c they shit on it and walked out. May I remind you at this point that there was no TP in the dressing rooms. YUCK. So..I found another one just slightly more clean. Out I go donning my spiffy bathing suit and find Kelly and April. Jeff's decided he's not going b/c he "doesn't do waterparks". He sits in the shade w/ a drink and waits on us. We all decided the lazy river would be really relaxing since we've had a hectic day. Wrong. They had the entrance closed and sent us away since they were using the exit for an entrance. Mmkay. We had to wait in line to get in the lazy river. Then, they let us go around once and herded us out like cattle. There was nothing lazy about it.

So, Instead of waiting in another line, we went to the wave pool. I also burnt my feet on the concrete on the way there. It looked like a sea of people..you could hardly see water. We got in anyway and when you looked around, all you saw was people. You shouldn't have to say "Excuse me..pardon me..Oh, sorry.." while you're walking through the water. I finally knew what it felt like to be floating in the water after the Titanic sank. So we got out feeling rather gross. It was like taking a bath with 200 strangers.

After changing again and shoving everything back in our locker, we headed back to the Borg Assimilator...only we took a wrong turn and ended up at the Cyclone. It was rather awesome. There was no line at all b/c it was at the edge of the park and it was enough of a thrill to make it totally worth it. I highly recommend riding in the very back. Next, we went to the Drop Zone. This is the 100 ft. freefall tower. There wasn't much of a wait and this is the one Kelly and April really wanted to ride on..so the excitement was building. I was absolutely terrified but in the end rather enjoyed leaving my stomach somewhere floating in space.

On our way back to the Borg..we passed the Extreme Flyer. It was only $15 a person, so Kelly and April headed in while Jeff and I waited. He was still in a foul mood and not very talkative because he felt left out being there w/ 3 girls. That, and everything had gone wrong. After Kelly and April flew and screamed like little girls, we went to the Borg. They let us in this time and the waiting began. At least here, they had cover so you weren't standing in direct sunlight and they had fans and misting stations. After waiting for about 10 minutes, we asked the time. 5:45. Holy hell! We had a good hour's wait in front of us and we had to get back to get our stuff by 7! So, feeling defeated, Jeff decided he'd go get our stuff while we held the place in line.

Just a few minutes after he left, it started getting cloudy and sprinkling rain. People started leaving the line. Then it got really windy and we saw lightning. Uh oh. We prayed it'd hold out for 30 min. until we could ride and hoped Jeff would make it back in time. Then the thunder started. We were sooo close. From where we were in line, we'd make it on the 3rd or 4th train. Then they shut it down. People were leaving and we thought..if we can hold out..we'd make it on the 2nd train when they reopen. Then more people left..and we thought..oo..we'd be on the very next train!! That's when she said it'd be at least an hour and we should seek shelter from the storm, yada yada. I was pissed by now. This was the 3rd time we'd been sent away from this ride...so naturally, we asked for a manager.

The manager blew us off with a generic answer, so we asked for his manager. He only knew his first name and said he was busy at the moment. So..April..being the only one professional enough to handle this guy..stepped in and asked if he could find out his last name and get us a phone number. All I would've done is yell at the guy and storm off, which wouldn't have gotten us anywhere. We explained that in the whole day we'd been there, we'd only been on 3 rides. 4 if you count the lazy river. We drove 2.5 hours to ride 3 rides, no heat relief stations, half the rides were closed down when we got there, the water coaster wasn't a water coaster b/c of where they put the latino festival, the water was too expensive, the dressing rooms were nasty, we'd been turned away 3 times from the same ride and we wanted an explanation.

While we were waiting for the guy to find his manager's number, we wondered where Jeff had gone. The manager comes back w/ his supervisor's information and tells us that he's been told to cycle the ride and that he'd cycle twice if we still wanted to ride. I said I wasn't going without Jeff. Kelly and April said they could ride and asked if he'd let Jeff and I up the exit side so that we could ride too and he said no. Bastard. But then, it thundered again and they weren't going to cycle. So we left. We found Jeff sitting in front of the ride where another line had already formed. We got all our stuff and made our way to the exit where there was another line to wait to speak to guest services. Kelly wanted a rain check...but Jeff and I planned on never coming back...and I truly didn't want to wait in another line. Jeff was beyond pissed by now and wanted to..ahem.."punch someone in the neck" so we went to the car. Find out what happened after the park in another blog. This one is too long already.

It was still storming several hours later, so it made me feel better that no one else got to ride any ride for the rest of the day. In summary, don't waste your time on Carowinds. It's dirty and disorganized and so not worth the money. Kings Dominion is better..cleaner anyway but Busch Gardens is by far the best. It's clean and their rides stay open a lot more. Plus..the food is better. Though..Kelly's funnel cake was quite yummy. Stay tuned for the next blog on Southend Smokehouse & Brewery and fireworks!

Broken toe and an enema

Originally posted on July 11, 2006:

Do you realize I've had 2.5 weeks off of work and all I did was go back home? While up there, I celebrated my dad's 60th birthday, tried on bridesmaids dresses, hung out with my sister and parents, took my grandfather to pick up his fracture shoe (funny story), got a mani/pedi, hung out with Hannah, grocery shopped for my grandparents, went to a 4th of July party, went to Hinton, WV w/ Jeff's family, had a 4th of July cookout that involved Dad's moonshine and Grandpa getting lit, watched fireworks, and ate at Texas Tavern. That's just the highlights. I won't even get into details!! Well..except for about my grandpa's fracture.

Ok...so Mom calls me from work Monday and tells me she needs me to go pick Grandpa up so he can go be fitted for a fracture shoe. A fracture?? Why no one mentions these things to me..I'll never know. So anyway, naturally, I ask what he fractured. All she says is, "His toe."

Ok. Help me out here Mom...I hate fishing. So of course I ask, "How'd he fracture his toe?" Knowing he's elderly and can't walk too well, I'm expecting to hear that he tripped or bumped his toe walking to the bathroom in the dark..or fighting evil yard gnomes from setting up camp in his butt......you know, just something standard and ordinary. But noooo..this is what Mom said..let me refresh:

Me: "How'd he fracture his toe?"

Mom: "Giving himself an enema."

Me: !!?!?!?!?!!!!??!..Um..??..!?!..?!...Did....did you just..um..did you just say he broke his TOE giving..er... himself an um..an uh...an enema???"

Mom: "Yes."

Like it was the most normal ordinary thing in the world! At this point, a normal person would just explain what the hell happened. But alas..I was left having to *probe* for an answer. Pun totally intended. After some obvious laughter I said,

"How the hell did he manage that? He does know that's not how you give yourself an enema, right?!"

Mom: "Now Dana, don't you laugh at your grandfather." This is being said while she's laughing. Um..right Mom..it's no laughing matter.

Long story short..when he was trying to get up from giving himself an enema, he stubbed his toe on the stair that leads up into the shower and put all his weight on it causing it to fracture in 2 places. Now...if it was me..to save my dad the embarrassment, I would've just said he broke his toe after hitting on the shower stair and left it at that. Instead..my mom..who's telling me it's not funny and not to laugh...is telling everyone that her dad broke his toe giving himself an enema..which is only half true.

When I asked Grandpa about it, he only said he fractured it hitting it on a stair. He doesn't know I know the whole story..so hearing him tell the Dr. about it..had me laughing b/c I know the truth. HAHAHA. Another funny part was when I asked him straight out how he did it and he told me the half truth, Grandma piped up. Now..anyone who's ever met my Grandma knows she talks constantly. So, she said.."Now Jack, don't you lie to her. You tell her exactly what happened." He still insisted on the stair story.

So, Grandma says, " Well I'll tell you...he was lying in the floor in the bathroom....and your mother and I were upsta..."

Grandpa: "Dammit Anita you shut up!

Grandma:" Well I was just.."

Grandpa: "I said shut it Anita!"

Grandma: "Well you little S-H-I-T..." (my grandmother doesn't curse..she just spells it out because that's ok apparently.)

For those of you who don't know..this is a typical conversation between my grandparents. Though, in her old age, she talks back to him, thus calling him a term for excrement. Before, she'd just say.."Well, I'm sorry." and go about her business. They've been that way since I was a little thing..and it's always a source for amusement while I'm around them.

So for those of you reading this, next time you're forced to give yourself an enema, please make sure your toes are well guarded.

A rant on what irritates me...

Originally posted on June 21, 2006:

Here's my list of things that make me just grind my teeth together in irritation...

People who make mouth noises...slurping, smacking, sucking..whatever..it's just gross

I hate it when people don't move over for ambulances. How do you know they're not going to save someone close to you, like a mom, daughter, husband or best friend??

I hate it when people see an officer on a traffic stop and don't move into the other lane to go around!! Hey!! It's called courtesy and safety. Try it sometime.

I also reallly hate it when people see an officer on a traffic stop and go up to them and ask for directions. OMG..how stupid!! They have no idea what that officer is dealing with and they want to interrupt?!? A routine traffic stop can turn into a nightmare in half a second. PLEASE wait until they're done to ask for directions!

People..and I mean family here...who leave the bathroom door open and the light off while they pee..and then act all offended and taken aback when you walk in on them. Close the damn door!!!

People/family who walk in on you while you're in the bathroom after you've closed the door and the light is on. Um..pay attention!! KNOCK.The door is closed for a reason!

Idiots who speed past you, cut you off...only to slam on their breaks to turn into their driveway...making me have to stop. Where's the sense in that?? Not everybody has to stop just because you are, butthole.

Leaving the kitchen cabinet doors open. It's just as easy to close them people!

People who don't put things up after using them...especially when they had to walk right by where it goes to get where they're going.

People who don't clean up their own messes. I came in to work awhile back and someone had left lettuce, tomatoes, mustard and cheese laying out on the table. The mustard was dribbled all over the counter and the cheese wrappers were all over the place. WTF?? I can't imagine what these people's houses look like! Oh..then..they got mad at me when I threw it all out. I ain't yo mama!

The sticky things they put on DVD cases for security. Ok, so they're wrapped in plastic..then they have the sticky tape crap on all 3 sides...all I want is to watch the stupid movie!!!! Isn't the plastic enough??

Midol wrapped in those individual, childproof plastic things. That is NOT the time of month I want to be trying to break into pain meds! Even scissors barely work! I'd rather take the scissors and stab the person who decided on the packaging !

The Valley View Mall in Roanoke, VA. Who the hell was the genius who designed that place!?! 3 ways in and only 1 way out. The city even has a totally separate evacuation plan for that place. It's a freaking nightmare! Raleigh's got it going on though..they have parking decks that connect to each level of the mall..pretty sweet. I avoid VV as much as possible.

Walmart in general. I hate them. They have just about everything you would want, but nothing you actually need. They're always out of whatever it is when you go. And they're open 24 hrs..only to block every aisle w/ boxes so you can't get to anything you need when you go in at 3am. Sometimes..migraines won't wait until daylight.

I hate it when men pee all over the floor in front of the toilet. I sat down here at work and didn't notice the floor until afterwards. I thought..if that's on the floor..what the hell did I just sit in?!!
When I come into work early to relieve day shift...and then they don't bother coming in until the last minute. What's that all about? That puts me working for like..12 and a half hours. Screw that! When 0615 rolls around..I want to peel outta here and get the hell home!

See and hear your name in Russian!!!

Originally posted on June 20, 2006:

Hey..you have to check out this link!! You get to see and hear your name in Russian. Very cool. It's written in Russian..so you just have to ignore it and type your name in the box and then click the button below it to see and hear it. Make sure you check your volume first. I was rather impressed and thought I'd share it with all of you guys. Just go here to see it! Enjoy!